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Old 06-10-2012, 06:19 AM   #1
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Beaners_Mom
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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DD has a "secret mommy"

Some backstory...my Ex has been with his GF about 2 years. They live together. She didn't meet our DD until they had been together almost a year? Anyways, when we split up (and several times since then) we've discussed not letting DD call our BF's or GF's "mommy" and "daddy". I thought we were both on the same page about how disrespectful it is to the actual parent. I could see if I wasn't involved with her (or if he wasn't) but I'm here everyday. I support her, I do 90% of her care. She spends 1 night a week at his house. That's it. The other 6 days of the week she doesn't exist to him, usually. Every once in awhile i'll ask him to pick her up from school if I get called into work (and even then it's about 50-50 if he'll do it and he usually only keeps her long enough to drive her from school to my house...my roommate that watches her doesn't drive....so he doesn't have to feed her...his words).

Anyways, I was making dinner last night when my DD starts telling my roommates about how she has a secret mommy. Then she says "daddy told me not to say anything to mommy because she'll be really mad at me" and goes on to say that "daddy says it's okay that I call her mommy (the GF) and she does too".

It irritates me that they encourage my 4 1/2 year old to call his GF mommy, but it bothers me more that they tell her to keep things from me and to lie to me. I told her that I'm her mommy and that she can always tell me whatever she wants and I'll always love her and that I'm not mad at her.

So now I get to have the discussion with them about her "secret mommy". They're confusing her and it's BS, in my opinion. When his GF steps up & actually acts like a "mommy" then she can have the title. Seeing my kid for 4-5 hours a week does not make her a mommy (because of her work schedule). The way she treats my kid doesn't make her worthy of a "mommy" title (my DD was in tears once explaining how she yelled at her for wanting to brush her teeth).

The GF is almost younger than us...I believe she's 22 or 23 now...I'm 31 & so is he. They might think it's cute and funny but I sure as heck don't. When she stays up all night with a sick child & goes to work still, which she's got the scar on her belly from an emergency c-section, when it's her body that grew the child and fed her for 2 years, when she pays for all of her food, groceries, medical needs, clothes, etc...when she kisses her boo-boo's...when I'm out of the picture...MAYBE then my DD can call her mom. Maybe.

This isn't the first time he's agreed to something and then done whatever he wanted. I think he agrees to this stuff because he wants me to do it, but he can do whatever he wants. For what it's worth, I was the one who brought up "let's make sure we are in a relationship for awhile before introducing the kids" and he brought up "no way do I want my kid calling someone else daddy".

Ugh.
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