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Old 06-20-2012, 09:40 AM   #23
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Re: DD has a "secret mommy"

Originally Posted by Beaners_Mom View Post
His newest thing....I *just* got a BF (someone I knew for almost a year before we started dating...and I haven't really dated anyone since baby daddy & I split up 3 1/2 years ago). So anyways, he tells our 4 1/2 year old that I have a boyfriend now and it means I won't be around as much and I won't have enough love for them both, so eventually I'll leave her. I'm like "WHO SAYS THAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU"?? So when I asked him about it, he denied it...said I made it all up, I love the drama etc. I ended up introducing my daughter to my BF because she was so upset over it. After they met she said "oh mama, you're not going anywhere". She just needed to be reassured I guess? But according to him I made it all up to introduce my kid to my BF. It just sucks for her.

I can ignore it, but she has to spend one night a week at his house (it's court ordered) and it's not fair that while she's there he can tell her I won't love her any more and that I'm going to leave her. She's 4 1/2 and he sees nothing wrong with his behavior. It's all me.

I'm so very frustrated

If you haven't done so already, go get out your court-ordered parenting/custody agreement and scan through it. There should be a section in there that says that neither parent will say derogatory things about the other in front of the child (some go so far as to say they will not allow their other family members to do so, either).

And if you aren't doing it yet, start documenting things like this now. The bolded above is evidence of an emotionally abusive statement, and an attempt at alienation of affection. If it's a one-time "boy I really shouldn't have said that" thing, OK. But if it's a pattern, you may have legal recourse. DH refused to call his ex out for this kind of garbage (saying if he did, she'd take it out on DSS), and refused to document it. Over several years, she finally had DSS convinced that he would be better off living with her and sued for change of custody. (A mutual friend overheard her saying that her CPA advised her that it would be to her advantage to be able to claim him as a dependent on her taxes - that's when she got serious, telling DSS the same type of thing about DH not having enough time/love for both him and DS2). Since he had no documentation of alienation of affection, we pretty much had no choice but to let him go.
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