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Old 06-27-2012, 09:13 AM   #78
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 392
Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Originally Posted by Kindermama View Post
That was a very touching and humbling response, thank you! It brought tears to my eyes. My first post was not as thoroughly written as it could have been because I was using my IPad. I had more to say but regardless, you definitely spoke to where I needed it most! We were prepared for special needs and would have welcomed him regardless. I guess I just question whether or not I'm fit to become a mother again after him. I feel like I've failed somehow. Every time I turn around, I hear of another baby who sleeps 6-7, sometimes 11, hours straight at his age.
I agree, a great reminder to me that God gives our little ones the mama they need, and vice versa!

I totally understand that you feel overwhelmed and possibly inadequate, but I want you to know how incredibly NORMAL it is to feel that way, and that your are not inadequate (though it certainly takes the Lord's help and strength! We can't do it on our own). It's so hard not to compare ourselves and our children to others, but I think if you can, it will lift a lot of the burden you feel. Every family is different, and all you have to do is follow your heart and the ways the Lord leads you personally. You don't have to live up to any unrealistic picture our culture paints of motherhood, or what the family down the street is doing. They probably don't have it together nearly as well as you think they do, and it's a depressing trap to believe that everyone else does. I am a counselor and one of the biggest things I learned in my training that helped me personally was the knowledge that in the space between your expectations of yourself and what you are realistically able to do lies anxiety and depression. Often we need more realistic expectations. Or occasionally if we're not doing our best we might need to change some behaviors so we can meet our goals if they are realistic and important (but you don't have to meet another mother's goal if it's not that important to you). I heard some advice about mothering recently: If you resent it, change it. Obviously, there are some things we don't have control over, like special needs. But if something is not working for you and your family, why not try something different? (If it is working, then don't worry about it!) I used to have to nurse my LO through his entire naps (or thought I had to). It was contributing to my PPD and I felt trapped on the couch and hated the chores piling up. It felt like I had no other option, but I finally tried some other things and it has gotten much better. It is empowering to feel some semblance of control to solve a dilemma. And day by day God is answering my prayer that I will become the kind of mother I long to be and that he wants me to be (it's a process, a sanctifying one, like fishmom said). It's much better than when I was just focusing on all the things I "should" be and wasn't, and feeling hopeless that I would ever get there. That hope has made all the difference!
Jennifer - wife to Benjamin and mama to Elden (2011)

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