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Old 07-25-2012, 08:42 AM   #140
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss Thread

Melissa (ChocolateMoose) and Girlichick- I'm 33 weeks and I'm still not 100% comfortable either. I finally reached the point where I can complain about things that hurt without feeling super super guilty at least. This pregnancy has done areal number on me, physically and mentally. I was having bad anxiety issues prior to pregnancy and they've just blown up since. I was able to keep things in check the first half, but the past few weeks have been hell. Last week I woke up around 3am with bad restless legs. That leg to anxiety, which led to nausea and being unable to sleep, which eventually turned into an all day panic attack. I'm battling a bit of depression too, but the anxiety and not having slept put me in a very, very scary place that morning that I pray I never have to go back to. Throw in the nausea thats come back full force, incredibly painful hips and thighs, sciatica, being super tired, peeing as much as every 15 minutes at times, heartburn, you name it I've got it (or had it). I am incredibly thankful to be pregnant after our loss and struggle to get pregnant, but it doesn't make the pregnancy any easier. It just adds more guilt when I complain!

The weirdest thing for me is when people call this baby by name. "Tommy, where's Vinny??" "How's Vinny doing today?" "Tommy are you excited for Vinny to come??". I cringe every time I hear something like that. I love this little boy so much it hurts but having him called by name makes it too real almost. I just can't let myself allow that last tiny bit of attachment.

But hands down, the hardest thing is that I can't even breathe a sigh of relief once he's born. There's a good chance he'll be in the step down nursery for about a week or so due to a medication I take and that's been stressing me out a ton lately. So until this little boy is home with us I can't relax.

Originally Posted by abhernandez View Post

And can I cry for a second? My gastro told me I can take NOTHING from constipation and heart burn during pregnancy. Really? He even said no prune products... is that true? Or do I have the most paranoid gastro in the world? And it made me cry because I've been using prunes for the last 8 weeks to um... keep things flowing and now I feel like I've done something wrong and I was so careful not to do anything wrong and I did something wrong anyway.
That is ridiculous. I have IBS with terrible constipation. My RE told me to use suppositories and that they were safe to take as often as needed because there werent any real ingredients- they just lubricate everything to make it easier to go, and they work awesome. Gross to use, but they make me go without issue whenever i need to. My last pregnancy I was told to take milk of magnesia (nasty stuff ) and lots of fiber and water. For heartburn Tums are perfectly safe as well. Some other stuff is safe to take too butI can't think of what right now. I think your gastro is being way over cautious and could end up causing more harm. Constipation is not something to play around with and can lead to serious issues so I'd want to get it under control as soon as I could. What has your OB said? Go by their recommendations and if they say nothing is safe too, switch doctors. Seriously. Good luck Alice!

Originally Posted by yellowitchgrl View Post
There's this song that starts out "Afraid to love something that could break. Could I move on if you were torn away? And I'm so close to what I can't control. Can't give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole.

And it hits me so hard because that's exactly where I am. I do love this baby very much, but I know I'm holding back from giving my entire self because I know how much it hurts when it all comes crashing down. I'd love to give my entire heart, but I can't figure out how.

Anyone else know exactly what I mean?
I get it. Its hard to give all of your heart when you have no idea if it'll just get shattered. I guess that's what faith is though. PLease don't beat yourself up for your feelings, they are sadly very very normal. I've been thinking about you a lot and will continue praying for this little bean.

Mamas, if any of you are the praying type can you please say a quick prayer for my little guy, that he'll be able to come home from the hossy with us without any complications or medications needed? That he'll be a normal,healthy, happy newborn? It would mean a lot. Thank you!

Alycia + Tom = 2 Labor Day babies! Tommy (9/09) + Vinny (9/12)
Under construction: unexpectedly expecting in 2015!
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