I read a good blog post one time that said that we, as moms, talk too much. That is, we repeat ourselves to our kids and it ends up being mush in their brains (I'm butchering what the article said). You should state the command, choice, whatever one time. She heard you, you don't have to repeat it. Then, when she disobeys, it's time for the consequence.
When DD was younger (she's 5.5 now), I did the send her to her room immediately thing. It worked! She's been throwing some tantrums lately, though. My first action is to ignore it, bc she wants attention, so I'm not gonna give her that. If she is disruptive, she goes to her room. If she throws things or kicks the door, well, that gets a spanking. Sometimes she'll be in there an hour, but she's calm at that point, but still upset. Thats when I talk to her calmly about how she is feeling. I think it's important to talk to them about what they were feeling when they got upset.
Hugs! I think this is normal 5yo girl behavior. My dd was voted most courteous at school, but she can raise you-know-what at home!
Emerson - happy, far-from-perfect, Christian, not-so-crunchy wife to K(3/05) and momma to M(11/06), S(2/08), and N(1/12)