[MyKylie]

At times yes I did feel badly. I felt like I should sacrifice more to give my child the best. At other times I felt relieved and thankful I had gone the formula route. When my DS had severe constipation, I cried because I knew if he was BF it never would have happened. And I felt I twinge of guilt every time the nurse at the pediatrician's office asked me, "breast or formula?"

Most people will never understand why I BF my older 2 kids for over a year. Why go from BFing to FFing? I worked really hard to BF my first, and did it automatically for my 2nd. But I also had a great deal of resentment and other emotions I don't feel comfortable talking about. I literally cringed every time they latched on. After my son was born, we started rooting after 20 minutes and the nurse asked me if I wanted to try and nurse. I remember feeling like someone had just put a brick on my chest, it was the worst sinking feeling, and I immediately burst into tears. I think everyone assumed it was out of joy, but it was not. I didn't want to do it. I did it anyway.

So when DS2 came along, I knew in my heart that I couldn't go through it again. I nursed him for about 2 weeks. I started formula the first day in the hospital. He got supplemented with BM for a bout 3 or 4 weeks, until all my milk dried out.

He is now 18 months old and doing just great. The whole BM vs. FF days are gone and over and we survived!