07-31-2012, 11:53 AM
Join Date: May 2011
Re: Night Weaning (Jay Gordon) + Crib for Bed-sharing Toddler
I think tibeca gave some really good advice. Is this your first baby, OP? I went through the same situation you are describing with my LO and I felt frustrated, too. I understand how you feel.
I don't know if you want some comforting advice, or if you would see it as such, but separation anxiety is a hallmark of this age for babies. For me, knowing that it was a very real emotion they feel and a very normal developmental milestone made it easier for me to be there for my little guy, in the way that was the most comforting and reassuring for him. Once I realized that this separation anxiety was not just difficult for me but also difficult and stressful for him, I felt more compassion towards him and felt like I could "wait out the storm", so to speak, with him so that I could make it a little easier for him. They don't have these needs to annoy us, after all. They are just figuring everything out, a little at a time, and sometimes they need extra comfort and reassurance from Mama. It is a phase, just like learning to crawl or walk, that eventually they master but it doesn't usually happen in a day or even a week. Knowing that also helped me to be patient and help him through this phase, instead of forcing him to struggle through this difficult experience without the reassurance he was used to. It was so much more peaceful that way, for everyone.
Instead, I adapted. I brought my lap top into bed with me. DH would come hang out with me in bed, too. We watched movies on the lap top with earphones in, while snuggling in bed, all together as a family. I read books, looked through magazines I didn't have a chance to look at during the day-time craziness. I even paid bills and made "to-do" lists to plan for the next day.
I found this time that I was "stuck in bed" to actually be a great blessing. I even went to bed early on days when I was really exhausted. It was great!
And ya know what? The phase passed.
I think it took a few months. Some take longer, some take less, but it does pass. And now I can leave after nursing him to sleep at night and he sleeps for 2-5 hours before needing me again.
I still love nursing him at night and I love nursing him to sleep. I love how peaceful the whole process is and that he makes that association with sleep.
I guess I'm just trying to gently say that it isn't always worth giving up something wonderful for a phase that will pass on it's own. As one who looked up this method and considered using it, I thought I might be able to share my experience and it might be helpful/encouraging/insightful... I know it is frustrating to not be able to do exactly what you want to do, but you might be able to do other things that you might find to be enjoyable and meet that need you have for "me time". And maybe it might help to know that this phase doesn't last and if you do "give in" to his needs right now, you are not creating a monster or doing something that will permanently lock you down... You are just fulfilling a need, giving comfort and reassurance and when that need is met, your LO will move on and things will change again. Things are always changing, after all.
I hope you find something that works for your family and gives you peace.
And to answer your questions about the process, I just wanted to mention that Dr. Jay Gordon doesn't actually advocate night weaning children under 2 years old and only offers a method for those who absolutely feel that they must wean (as a specific goal). If you have other goals, there might be alternatives that would meet everyone's needs, better than night weaning. Dr. Gordon admits that there will be tears in this method of early night weaning and it isn't enjoyable but his method is more gentle than other methods out there. He also does not advocate night weaning and separate sleeping at the same time, as that would be very stressful on the baby. He actually encourages co-bedding even during night weaning, as a way to give comfort to your child when you aren't nursing them any longer. HTH clear up some things.
Wife to my sweetheart
and SAHM to my little lovey, Colin
my little family
Last edited by colin-mylilguy; 07-31-2012 at 12:09 PM.