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Old 08-07-2012, 03:50 PM   #9
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Umm_Ibraheem
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Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(

So I'm still disappointed but I think its the depression that comes with hyperemesis I'm on week 14 of it. Yesterday I had an emergency ultrasound because my toddler jumped on my belly as I was sleeping and it was painful and I was cramping. Walking = contractions so I was spooked. The ultrasound showed only one very active baby (was facing us then gave us the rear lol!) so that eliminated twins. Plus we saw the brain (creepy) so there was a bunch of different views and there was no other in there.

I was talking to a friend and she said that I've been processing last years miscarriage very slowly. Immediately after the miscarriage was registered I was happy I had an answer and not just another "we don't know whats wrong with you" Months after the loss is when I started mourning the loss. When I found out I was pregnant in June I did not want this pregnancy when i was told it might be twins I definitely did not want this. I overcame that and became happy again, then obsessed with the possibility of twins, then back to being my normal happy pregnant woman I was in my previous 2 pregnancies. THEN, recently I became not just obsess with wanting more than one in there but absolutely begging and pleading with God to give me twins. There was snot and tears and gasping for breath while pleading, pretty dramatic and intense for me.

Even though I kept telling myself, "do you realize what you are asking for?" BUT I DIDN'T CARE. I wanted twins and wanted them bad even though I didn't feel like that at all just a few hours earlier. So that's why I was going to do the 20 week ultrasound because it was now a matter of mental health. When I started talking to a friend she said "you sound like one of my friends when she JUST lost her child, she desperately wanted to get pregnant again to 'replace' the child she lost. BUT I'M PREGNANT! Apparently I'm trying to replace the pregnancy I lost. Right or wrong I don't know but it was a different point of view.

Anyway I thought I was going to be disappointed that there were no twins just one but after the scare of thinking I would lose the entire pregnancy I was ok. I'm still depressed though but its more of an overall depression than it is a depression over something specific. Am I making sense?

I feel like an insane person explaining this. I also feel very vulnerable and moments away from tears. Its hard to pin point what is causing it because I've been MISERABLE for 14 weeks! It feels like an ongoing never ending severe case of food poisoning. Yesterday night the hyperemesis went away for a few hours and my head cleared it was amazing. I still had a very strong feeling of hunger and nausea but it was NORMAL. I mean I can tell the difference between THAT normal intense pregnancy nausea and the hyperemesis which is just an overall feeling of unwell plus food poisoning which does NOT feel normal. Anyway it came back and so did the depression. Ugh. I'll just keep posting here though so I have someone to talk to who understands the uncomfortableness of pregnancy as well as the complications hyperemesis brings. IT just overpowers every sensation even my hunger pangs or cravings.
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