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Old 08-08-2012, 10:01 PM   #43
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AHIAMOM
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Re: Me and my daughter dont get along!

A few weeks ago I was considering asking for advice about my 13 and 14 yo dds. They were so full of attitude I seriously couldn't stand them. Finally I snapped at them both (on separate days, alone). I told each one that although I really love them, I don't like them, at all! I explained to them that the only time that I see them is when they come out of thier caves and give me attitiude or treat me with total disrespect. I started out the conversation talking to them angry because I couldn't take it anymore. I swear once they heard the words "I don't like you" it got thier attention and they listened. I went on to explain to them that they are not giving me anything to like. I explained how much I miss how we used to talk and how they used to be sweet and nice and pleasant. I made it clear that I want to see more of them and I want to see thier good side occassionally. I stressed that I LOVE them, but that I just don't like them. I know there are probably plenty of mamas on here that now think I am the worst mom in the world but guess what? They are behaving! It turns out they want thier mom to like them enough to work on thier behavior. They have improved so much my DH just commented to me yesterday about how well they were all behaving. He never seems to notice those kinds of things so the change has been huge. They have both been spending far more time out of thier rooms. They follow me around like puppy dogs all day long talking to me. My 14 yo has been climbing in my bed in the morning for wake up cuddles. I have my happy, loving girls back. I do tend to be very real with my kids though and I don't downplay conversations with them. Maybe if you were really honest with your dd she would see that her actions are having serious consequences that she doesn't want and that she has the power to change it. That is what worked for me at least.
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Cindy, homeschooling mama to DD (10/97), DD (4/99),
DD
(9/02), and intact DS (4/09)
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