Re: August 13th weekly chat
Just got back from the MW. She's calling her OB friend to get me in for an u/s on monday. Baby has rolled into an even more awkward position and now she's feeling "unsure" enough to question cord wrappage or other issues.
And so of course I am an emotional MESS right now, because I feel like this would be such a letdown after all my hard work and determination. I so desperately do not want a c-section, and I'm a wreck worrying. I know that if the baby is too tangled I could hemmorhage and I *will* do what's best for baby. I'm just... let down.
And because it's an OB and I'm over my 40 weeks now, I know the second I walk in all I'm going to hear is induce, induce, induce.
I'm questioning everything now, did they miss something when I had the scan at 18 weeks? I made them check multiple angles for only one baby, and the measurements were great with no issues, but what if we missed something? Did I mess up not seeing an OB this time? What's going to happen now?
I feel like I've worked really hard for this homebirth and it's slipping away from me. I fought the tears at the MW's house and she hugged me and said, "Hopefully we won't make it til Monday, hopefully you'll go into labor this weekend and baby will spin right down!" but I can feel her unease. Baby's not even really engaged, or if it is the head is too far back for her to feel safe saying so.
I'm feeling really down and scared right now, ladies. DF keeps reminding me that we know nothing, and for all we know it's just an awkward position, or at worst a breech baby (which I am totally down for birthing). But you know how well a pregnant brain calms down....
Just call me Paula
Mama to Nich
(01.21.11) and Gavin