Re: How to Co-parenting with the impossible parent...
I would go back to Court and get a new CO that says that you are allowed to call DSS and that he is allowed to call you while at BM's (birth mom's). It should also say that you are to have BM's telephone numbers. You can even specify that you are allowed to call him X amount of times and talk to him for X minutes each call, or that he is allowed to call/text you.
You can also have it written into the CO that BM is not to ask questions about your family life, or talk about you in any way. Of course, it's hard to enforce that but with a child who is 10 or older, he'll be able to tell someone if she is doing that. Also, it seems like the counsler would be able to make a report that would be in your favor for Court which says that the things that BM is doing are harmful to your DSS.
Not that you want to exclude her from her life, but sometimes you need the Court to help you make an adult do the right thing. In our case, with my DSD, BM has done some crazy things and has actually stopped doing them once she realized the Court could (and would) penalize her for them.