DH gets the V tomorrow...
And I feel so confused. The logical part of my brain says that we have 4 beautiful children, our house, our car, and our budget really can't handle anymore. Plus my sanity feels maxed out as well. Dh was done at 3, and the surprise of #4 took quite a bit of adjustment for him. Ad in the fact that we've had 4 m/c along the way, some tough pregnancies, and lot's of heartache... it really makes sense to be done.
All of that and I still feel kinda sad about tomorrow. Dh doesn't understand at all, and thinks I should be jumping for joy like he is. My head knows it's the right thing, but my darn heart seems to not have gotten the memo. My heart says who cares about money, and houses, and "things" I love my babies, and would gladly give every last drop of myself for them, so why not have more. I worry that 5 years from now, when the littlest one is in school, that I'll be really sad to not have the chance for another. Even though right now, I really don't want another baby.
I"m just a confused mess today. It's going to be fun to be able to go out and DO stuff with these kids too right? I'm going to love being able to run them around to soccer games, and dance recitals, and not having a baby attached to my boob all the time... right?
I don't even know what the point of this post is, except to get it out there, and hope that another mama somewhere can relate.
Nicole Christ following, Wife to my high school Sweetheart
who's ayouth pastor and sahm to Kyla 7, Makenna 4, and Levi 2, and new baby Judah 5-6-12
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