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Old 08-30-2012, 01:51 PM   #2
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Formerly: kr***y
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: 4 year olds... enough said?

being a mom is a tough job!!!

well, I'm no child psychology expert, but I'll give my opinion based on my own experience. Assuming he is not sleep deprived and he is not getting sick, it kind of sounds like a few things to me...

1) it sounds like he wants his own space, and his own things that are only "his" and he does not have to share.... I say that b/c I see the ages of your kids and I think about my own kids - who are 5.5, 4, and 17 mos., and I notice that as the two older ones get older, they want to feel more like individuals, and more responsible. Maybe this is a part of what is going on?

2) it sounds like maybe he is craving your attention. I know it is a lot of work caring for 3 kids - and I don't have twins! - so I can only imagine how difficult and busy your days could be sometimes. But I notice when one of my older 2 start acting out, they usually are trying to tell me that they need some one on one time with me. So, I make some time. It doesn't have to be anything big, or super special. I usually rotate who goes to the grocery store with me. That tends to be enough for them for now.

3) I think it's entirely possible that this is just one of those phases where he is seeing how far he can push you. Every kid goes through this every now and again. They seem to all of a sudden think if they push hard enough, throw a big enough fit, act mean enough, etc., you'll give in. It's tough, but you have to stick to your guns and be consistent.

4) He could be becoming more aware of his emotions and having trouble expressing them. My son has this issue. He just turned 4. He has gotten a LOT better since I've started working with him. When he loses it over something small, I first remove him from the situation, somewhere where it's quiet and there are no other kids with us. Then I hold him and I talk to him in a calm voice and I say: "I understand you're upset about ______. I would be too! But let's think about this." Then I stand him up, look him in the face (if he's still crying, I tell him gently I cannot speak to him when he is hysterical and he needs to take some deep breaths and calm down - we do the deep breaths together). Then I just work through it with him... "I know you're upset that sister took your food. She should not have done that, and I will talk to her about that. But when you scream, it makes me think you're hurt. Are you hurt? Ok, please don't scream like that. It hurts my ears and I can't understand what happened when you are screaming, ok?" It's taken a LONG time using this but finally he has been able to control himself 90% of the time.

I don't know if any of those things apply, but that's what I would start with if I were in your shoes. Typically when one of my older ones starts with the bad behavior, it is usually one of those things.

Last edited by Kiliki; 08-30-2012 at 02:07 PM.
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