09-01-2012, 12:53 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Re: Pregnancy After Loss (Sept 1st - 15th)
Elena, so sorry about your parents. It's a real shame, because one would hope that parents would be some of the most supportive people in our lives.
"Friends" suck. Really. They are the people who act like they care, but it's all about them. Can I join you in your misery here? So, the "friend" who made the rejecting comment said plenty of other jerky things. Her SIL had a m/c a few months before me, and a friend of a friend of hers had an ectopic a month after. My lovely "friend" would complain to me about how difficult it has been for her, with everyone around her losing babies. How she "couldn't take any more bad news." Excuse me? You're going to wail to me, when I just lost my child, about how you have it so bad to know a few women who had miscarried?
Originally Posted by canadianbakers
One of the wonderful comments I got was from a church... friend. I don't know if I consider her a friend anymore or not. I don't really know how I feel other than hurt.
We found out the baby died on a Friday. She was born the following Tuesday. The following
Sunday, we went to church. There were SO many women that came over to hug me, pray with me, and offer comfort and kind words - people I hadn't ever met before even. But then this friend came over. She gave me a quick "man hug" (kwim?) and said "I'm not going to hug you more or sit with you because I don't want to start crying."
Well. Gee. Thank you for caring, and sharing in our pain and loss. What a lovely friend.
This has been a terrible pessimistic post. I'm sorry. And a lot of anger has come across in it. Again, sorry.
She also did things like overstep boundaries to ask me what I named the baby, what we did with the body, etc. I explained that I wanted to keep these details private for DH and I only, and she got all pouty that she couldn't know the baby's name.
Oh, and despite my pleading that she not tell anyone about my m/c, she told her mother, grandmother, SIL, and maybe others so they could all pray for me. Maybe if I didn't know them, it could have almost been okay. But I saw all of these people regularly, so it was a blatant disregard for my wishes.
My brother and his wife got pregnant right around the time I m/c, and when we found out they were having a girl, this "friend" told me that she was so happy and that she had PRAYED that they were having a girl since I felt that my baby was a boy. She thought that my brother didn't deserve a boy since he really wanted one, and it was unfair to me to take my boy away. Wait, what? Wrong on so many levels.
Compound all of this with her constant gossip about just about everyone in her life (including the SIL who had had the m/c...despite being so torn up about the baby, she had no problem badmouthing her parenting styles and whatnot), and constant complaining about her life, and I couldn't take it anymore. I finally "broke up" with her a couple months ago and my life has been so much happier. I don't need such a negative person in my life. I could go on and on about her insanity, but I'll bite my tongue. IRL, I haven't said a thing to anyone (except DH and my mom) because I just hate gossip. But, I kinda feel like the internet doesn't count, since none of you know her. Man, venting felt good. Thanks for listening to my rant.
Lauren married to DH since 9/07
Catholic, homeschooling mama to DD1 (9/08), DD2
(8/10), and DD3