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Old 09-01-2012, 03:12 PM   #14
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (Sept 1st - 15th)

Originally Posted by canadianbakers View Post
Their response to me was first that they hadn't ever made any comments like that. Period. They outright refused to acknowledge that they had said anything, denied every exact example I mentioned. (Yet, FTR, they've made the EXACT SAME comments with every pregnancy since then.)
Second, they said "We're sorry that you took our comments all wrong and that you thought they were hurtful." That's NOT a real apology. That's putting all the blame on me, as if they said nothing but loving crap and I took it the wrong way.

Sorry. I seriously have strong anger and resentment about this. Obviously. It hasn't helped that they made these SAME comments about Elliana's pregnancy - and now that she's dead, they act like they're loving, doting, grieving grandparents who wanted her all along.
ALL their comments to us since she died have been about them - they have told us they "can't handle another loss like this" and they've asked that we "never put them through this again".
Cuz. Yeah. That was our whole point. And obviously our focus should be on them in our future decisions.
Seriously, this just makes me mad for you! Like it's somehow all about them being victims of you and your evil plans to misunderstand them and cause them to lose grandchildren they didn't want?!?!?

Any chance of living near your ILs and not your own family? It's amazing what living 1,200 miles away has done to improve my relationship with my family!

Originally Posted by Sunshine915 View Post
"Friends" suck. Really. They are the people who act like they care, but it's all about them. Can I join you in your misery here? So, the "friend" who made the rejecting comment said plenty of other jerky things. Her SIL had a m/c a few months before me, and a friend of a friend of hers had an ectopic a month after. My lovely "friend" would complain to me about how difficult it has been for her, with everyone around her losing babies. How she "couldn't take any more bad news." Excuse me? You're going to wail to me, when I just lost my child, about how you have it so bad to know a few women who had miscarried?

She also did things like overstep boundaries to ask me what I named the baby, what we did with the body, etc. I explained that I wanted to keep these details private for DH and I only, and she got all pouty that she couldn't know the baby's name.

Oh, and despite my pleading that she not tell anyone about my m/c, she told her mother, grandmother, SIL, and maybe others so they could all pray for me. Maybe if I didn't know them, it could have almost been okay. But I saw all of these people regularly, so it was a blatant disregard for my wishes.

My brother and his wife got pregnant right around the time I m/c, and when we found out they were having a girl, this "friend" told me that she was so happy and that she had PRAYED that they were having a girl since I felt that my baby was a boy. She thought that my brother didn't deserve a boy since he really wanted one, and it was unfair to me to take my boy away. Wait, what? Wrong on so many levels.

Compound all of this with her constant gossip about just about everyone in her life (including the SIL who had had the m/c...despite being so torn up about the baby, she had no problem badmouthing her parenting styles and whatnot), and constant complaining about her life, and I couldn't take it anymore. I finally "broke up" with her a couple months ago and my life has been so much happier. I don't need such a negative person in my life. I could go on and on about her insanity, but I'll bite my tongue. IRL, I haven't said a thing to anyone (except DH and my mom) because I just hate gossip. But, I kinda feel like the internet doesn't count, since none of you know her. Man, venting felt good. Thanks for listening to my rant.

Wow! What a piece of work! Glad you "broke up" and are feeling happier!

And it's so true about the one here is going to spill your secrets and they don't know who you're talking about so you can share the WHOLE story, instead of worrying about who might get told what!

Originally Posted by happymama1 View Post
I have a "friend" that is always saying rude things. I wasn't going to tell her about my most recent miscarriage, but I went ahead and told her (after I was pregnant with this baby), and she didn't even acknowledge what I said...she just looked at me, and started talking about something else.

Then, when I told her that we were waiting to tell people about this baby...she said that she thought it better to tell people you were pregnant, even if you miscarry, rather than to tell people after you miscarry that you miscarried. (she has never had a loss). I told her that maybe as the person receiving that news (that your friend had miscarried when you didn't know they were pregnant) it is harder to hear that, BUT as the person who has lost a baby, it is much easier to tell people that you miscarried (who didn't know you were pregnant) than to tell people you are pregnant, and then loose the baby and have to go back and tell people.

Grrrr....she is just a very insensitive person, totally oblivious, and only thinks of herself in just about every situation. I try to be nice to her, but I hardly spend any time with her anymore...not so much because she badmouth's people, but because she is ALWAYS bragging and comparing herself/her kids to other people and quite frankly, I'm sick of it!

there are a host of other reasons as well...but it would take too long to write them

I feel bad "breaking up" with a friend...but that has basically what I have chosen to do.

Even though it's no fun, it's better then the alternative....future years of having to put up with her!
Mama to Monkey Cupcake Pumpkin
and our brand new rainbow baby
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