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Old 09-02-2012, 07:47 AM   #19
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (Sept 1st - 15th)

Originally Posted by yellowitchgrl View Post
Also, I really think I have an anterior (frontal) placenta. When I go to look for a heartbeat I can't find it, or can only hear an echo when the baby is sitting up high and I can tell where the baby is because there is a hard bulge so I know. It's driving me nuts! Any time my bladder is a little full is pushes the baby up to the place where I feel no movement and then I start to freak out and pee and check the heartbeat. I kind of wish I knew for sure cause I think it would make me feel better to know. I want a 20wk ultrasound but I may ask to get one done sooner just for my own sanity cause right now this is not helping my blood pressure. I felt movement earlier on but it was always down low and when my uterus was smaller, the baby was stuck down there so I think that's maybe why I felt it.
. and that you have an anterior placenta. That sounds strange to say. But I mean, I hope that it's something like that. Something okay and fine that explains it

I have to be honest... because this is here... but I'm really reading your post. This is what I told myself every day to explain Elliana's "off" movements.
I'm not trying to say "holy crap your baby has what she had". And I'm not trying to be pessimistic at all - I know chances are slim... but then chances are chances and someone falls into the "wrong" side every day.
I just... have to be honest and say it... because reading your posts scares me.

Sh!t. I hope that comes across way better than I'm reading it. I worry. I am full of fear, for myself and others. That's where that all comes from. Not from a place of wanting to project my fears on others, but from a need to get it out of my head.

AFM: We told MIL last night. I felt we needed to - we'd gone shopping earlier and she was buying DD a whole new outfit for school. MIL was talking about how she'd dressed up SIL before she left the coast, and asked if she could take me out too - I stumbled over my words and laughed and said "definitely not today - I'm too tired all ready!" But I felt like we needed to tell her so that she didn't think I was blowing her off or something, kwim?
Anyways, she said "it's exciting". DH and I both said "no. it's not. it's terrifying." I know she was right when she said "yes. it's both."
But she's not angry or upset, she's just here for and with us. her. And I think we really need that support this time around.

Man. I'm emotional this morning apparently. Everything I've typed here is making me tear up.
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)

Last edited by canadianbakers; 09-02-2012 at 07:48 AM.
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