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Old 09-17-2012, 09:11 AM   #7
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blackbirdmama*3
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hillargh View Post
DS1's father is an addict and an alcoholic. While he doesn't want hardly anything to do with him, and that makes it easier in terms of dealing with it, I have a really simple set of rules - Don't be drunk, don't be high. I don't care what you do in your own time, I'm not your keeper and I don't have to worry about you anymore. But our son's safety will not be in jeopardy because of it; accidents can happen, bad judgment calls can be made, etc. If he wants to see our son, he has to be clean and sober for the x number of hours he's around him, and he will never be around him without me present unless he has a proven track record of sobriety. If he shows up acting funky and I have the slightest inkling he isn't straight, he doesn't see him. I only had to turn him away once for him to realize I was serious about that. And I know him well enough to know when he's himself, and when he isn't. But the things he does and how he acts when influenced are also easy to spot, so that makes it easier.

The line for me is when it's directly affecting my child. He won't be forced to see it, hear it, or deal with it. I don't care if he understands what they're doing or not. My sister can't see him if she doesn't take her meds. My brother can't see him if he's drinking. I only allow what I do because they're family tbh. All others that have such issues I've removed from my life, and for a period of time (about 5yrs), family with such issues were removed as well. Most still are.

For me it comes down to how badly I want DS1 to have a relationship with them. I don't care if he knows my friends (if I had substance abusing friends that is), so I wouldn't take him around them at all if they were abusers. I do, however, want him to know his father, uncle, aunt. But I also want him to know the real them, not an altered them.

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For us dh's mom doesn't ever ask to see the kids. She probably asks her brother how they are because he visits to see them occasionally. She did text my dh telling him her brother has recently started "getting on to her" for not seeing her grandkids. She told them it is just hard for her to make time. She sells weed, meth and ecstasy last I heard. She kept dh supplied in pot beginning when he was 13 and had him selling it at school. He was eventually was on meth, cocaine and drank everyday. He's been clean for 10 years this November . If I felt they were safe around her I wouldn't have a problem with them seeing what drugs etc. do to a person but she is not a safe one for them to be around. She told me I needed to smoke when I was pregnant with ds1 so that he would have a lower birth weight....
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Last edited by blackbirdmama*3; 09-17-2012 at 09:12 AM.
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