To have another or not.....advice please
I will start with how I had my daughter.
I had a horrible pregnancy! I started having contractions around 20 weeks. No dr would listen to me & I was in & out of L&D quite frequently. I was on bedrest at home when i was 24 weeks & put in the hospital at 26 weeks. I was sent home when they thought they stopped my labor for me to back at 28 weeks & there to stay. My amino was leaking & they would barely let me out of bed. They planned on inducing me at 34 weeks in fear of infection or her cord kinking if it came through the tear in the bag(can't remember what it's called but very dangerous) I had my daughter at 32 weeks when my water broke while sitting up & had her an hour later(ALLLLLL natural, but so glad it ended up that way) besides being 2 months early she was a short chunky lil thing! 4lbs 10oz 14inch long. She had to stay in the NICU for 29 LOOOOOOONG days & besides a few bumps in the road is a healthy happy very intelligent 20 month old. I am so afraid to have another baby to have what I went through again. I don't think I could do it again & this time I have a toddler that needs caring for too. I am also in fear that if I did have the baby at term & able to EBF (with my DD I was able to exclusively pump for 3 mths until my body gave up & I dried up even after I tried everything) I fear that I will have a better bond with the new baby bcuz I wanted to BF SOOOOOO bad & only got to have DD to breast a handful of times with her being so little & weak....I also have met people who have a favorite child & I'm so scared that that could happen if I have more. I guess my biggest concern is do I want a baby to make up for what I missed out with my first? & is the wrong of me? I've tried talking to family about it with no luck & some telling me I should not have another baby bcuz it will make me resent my first & others telling me to follow my heart but my heart it torn between wanting my daughter to have a sibling & wanting all my love to go to her. Please only positive advice thank you!! & thanks for reading I'm a rambler