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Old 10-05-2012, 09:41 AM   #20
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

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Originally Posted by cherylchoo View Post
Yeah, Janine, I'm beginning to see that approach may have to be. I generally don't favor long bans on stuff at this age because like you said, it is not effective. But I've noticed her behavior is worse when she plays or watches her sibs play Wii a lot, so I'm kind of killing two birds with one stone ATM by keeping her off it for the rest of the month. Right now not letting her attend events as a consequence of really bad behavior seems to be highly motivating. I also told her this morning, get through the whole day without any issues, and we can discuss positive consequences she can earn in some sort of structured plan. Probably go back to the top ten list, that seemed to work well before.

It's difficult. I know what her weaknesses are:
Transitioning from one activity she really likes to another.
Not being chosen/called on/etc for some special significance, even if it's minor.
Losing a competition or game.
Feeling the need for "payback" for injustices she feels were done to her, and taking those matters into her own hands. This is a new one, and I'm pretty sure it has to do with something she read in a book - probably Captain Underpants, but it might be one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid knockoffs.

So obviously she has plenty of opportunity to practice this stuff at home, especially since she has siblings. I can curb her behavior at home more easily because I know her weaknesses, can spot the triggers, and redirect the behavior with teaching moments before it gets out of hand. In a school setting, particularly with teachers she doesn't see every day (playground monitors, the music/art/gym/spanish teachers, etc) they don't know this, can't anticipate this, and even if they could have way too many other kids to watch to really be able to do what I do at home. They are at a disadvantage, for sure.
Could she maybe earn a 15 minute play slot on the wii (or whatever) by good behaviour despite being on the ban. The ban would stand because she doesn't have unlimited time or as much as her siblings but she still gets the highly sought after reward which would really encourage good behaviour.

With the thing about dishing out punishments for injustices...we deal with that one A LOT here too. They all tend hit each other for whatever they think was wrong. I've taken a different route to this than most would because we all know telling tales isn't good and shouldn't be done. But I encourage it.

I told the kids I AM THE BOSS OF EVERYTHING. What I say goes. If something has happened that is wrong you come to me and I will deal with it. It is not down to anyone other than me to deal with it. If you pass out punishment yourself you'll be punished harder than the person who did xyz wrong....that person will still be dealt with but only what's appropriate for what had happened. Not for taking the law into their own hands.

It means I have to deal with a lot of Mummy she wont let me/took my xyz/pushed me/hit me/etc but it's helping them because slowly they are leaning to handle before hitting.

Would it help if Ginger took note and talked to you about the things she thought were wrong rather than dealing with it. That's be better than telling tales in school and making herself very unpopular. Derry used to tell us a lot of things that happened in school that she thought was bad and we'd talk about why they did whatever it was and what they should have done. It helped her a lot.

Electric bans for the day don't happen much now...they used to be a lot but hardly ever now.

We do have things that have some consistent consequences like if they girls aren't ready for bed, have their lunch box/bag in the kitchen and their clothes in the wash/bedroom tidy...they cant watch their kiddie program at 7pm

If they want to see the 2 programs after the 7pm kiddie program they have to be in bed, lights off in the mornings. That happens so rarely that it's a miracle if it ever happens. They managed it once this week but it's the first time in a VERY long time!

When I have to send them to bed without their programs they fussy and complain but I ignore it. If I was to react to all of their bad behaviour it'd be a battle to get through the day. Picking the battles is important.

If you made it through that lot
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I am Janine; mum to Shannon (10), Derry (8), Cameron (7), & Fynn (4)
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