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Old 10-07-2012, 03:48 PM   #67
dissidentdad
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Colorado
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I believe it is 100% possible. It requires that you know the truth and have the aptitude to explain the truth. My father told me about his drug use as soon as I asked, having met McGruff in first grade this was very early. He also didn't lie and told me the "positives" of drugs, the enjoyment and experiences, without graphic detail. He also took me to AA meetings with him and allowed me to see people who were negatively affected by drugs, (I grew up in Philadelphia so seeing bums as a result of substance abuse is not uncommon). I have known from a very young age the evils of the world, this has allowed me to protect myself. I also learned the positives, this has allowed me to love the world and to have hope.

When it came to war it was different. My father was always very tight lipped about Vietnam. My mother having not gone could not speak about war. I feel that his withholding the truth is what led to my own curiosity. If he had spoke about the heartache and atrocities I might have chosen not to go experience them for myself.

You're asking if it is okay to lie to your children. Many people like to muddle the subject between presenting the truth of the world and falsehoods related to fantasies such as Santa and the Easter Bunny. I find it perfectly acceptable to lie to my significant other about what we are doing this weekend and then surprise her with a weekend excursion. I do not find it acceptable or right to lie about knowledge that will allow my children to be stronger people.

I have also found on similar threads that people feel that it is okay to lie to children about various parenting choices. An example is certain foods. Many a child has been convinced to eat his vegetables because it will allow him/her to grow up and be big and strong, this is a truth. The only time you have to lie is when you don't have enough information to convince someone who has not been to school of something that you have no basis other than what someone else has said. If you had done research and "knew" versus "were told" this would not be a problem. I find most lies stem from lack of knowledge not having too much knowledge.
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