10-08-2012, 07:15 PM
Join Date: Jan 2009
Re: Thinking of getting DD evaluated for ADHD.
I'm in the process of having my 7 1/2 year old evaluated for ADHD. I felt a lot of the ways that it sounds like you feel -- especially that his awful behavior and lack of self-control reflected on ME and MY parenting. In fact, it was so bad having him full time this past summer that there were days I just wanted to shut him in his room and not deal with him, but then I felt so so so bad for feeling like that.
Part of what has made his problems so much more obvious to me, though, are that his 3 year old brother is starting to have better self-control. Our 3 year old is SO different from how his older brother was at the same age. When 3 year old gets a time-out, he learns from it. Time-outs would work for DS1, in the VERY short term, but then he would go right back to his naughty impulsive behavior. He is an exhausting little boy. I would love more kids like my 3 year old, but I could not deal with another like my 7 1/2 year old.
Does your DD go to school or do you homeschool? My son is in 2nd grade this year and he is having a lot of issues at school. A big one is that he can't seem to control himself when it comes to respecting other kid's personal space. He touches, leans, kicks, hits, puts-his-backpack-on, bothers, or otherwise finds ways to touch the other kids. He is at a Montessori school this year -- which he loves -- but he is having a really hard time staying on-task. He had this problem at traditional school, too, but I think Montessori is better in that they are not punitive to him for misbehaving.
Another issue is that he will not stay with the group. He has ran away from me, far from me, on multiple occasions -- one time last year, in first grade, I had to send out a search party in cars to find him. He doesn't stay with his class at school, and his teacher told me last week that she doesn't feel it will be safe enough for him to attend the field trip to Lake Tahoe unless I attend as his chaperone. I totally see where she is coming from, there's a high probability he will ditch the group and run off into the forest during their nature hike.
His behavior is such that I have to have a formal meeting with his teacher and an administrator every 3 weeks to discuss his progress and what we are all doing to help him be successful in school.
One thing that has been recommended is martial arts. I put my son into Taekwondo 4 days/week starting in March, and I have noticed some improvement in his behavior but he still has far to go. I plan to keep him there because he has fun; I consider it to be part of his education at this point. Is that an option for you--can you enroll your DD into some type of martial arts to see if it helps? It may not help right away, but it's a place to get a lot of practice at self-control.
As for your social circle, I think anyone who would judge you is not a real friend. I do not feel like an outcast for investigating whether or not my son has ADHD. It is starting to impact how he is treated by other children, and it's impacting his relationship with my DH (DH can't stand how our 7 1/2 year old acts and doesn't want to spend time with him).
I think, if nothing else, a diagnosis will help you better decide what to do. Maybe you will have more empathy for her outbursts or her lack of self-control. Maybe you will better be able to anticipate how she's going to act and what you could do to counter that. My DH thought I was spoiling my son by bringing him snacks or activities to help him behave, but now I think he's starting to realize that I am NOT spoiling him, he actually needs these things to help his self-control.
I don't yet know if we are going to go the medication route, but we are at least investigating the possibility.
Maybe, if you know she has ADHD and your DH refuses to consider medication, then HE can go to all the meetings, etc, for her poor behavior and he can tell them why she's acting the way she does.