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Old 10-09-2012, 08:57 PM   #31
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Omaha, NE
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Ok, I have more time to type now

Originally Posted by newmommy13 View Post
we are having a very hard time bonding with our dfs. he is a really hard baby. i really, really hope dfs is RU eventually. I do not want to be faced with the question of adopting him because at this point i don't think we could.

Someone recently told me not to spend any time worrying/thinking about something that I don't have to worry/think about yet! That helped me a lot. Right now you are not faced with this decision so don't spend any seconds wasting time on whether you would adopt him or not. Because what you would do right now doesn't matter anyway. If it comes to that decision there will be a lot more time and experience for you to consider.

he screams whenever he sees food or drink even if he just ate. he screams for the next bite when he hasn't even swallowed yet.

This makes me so sad Sounds like he doesn't count on that he will be fed. I think this may have played a part for my dd2. She was formula fed on schedule and screamed all the time no matter what. And we quit feeding her at night way too early because our dd1 quit waking up at night on her own at two months old so we didn't know any better. I am sure there were times she was hungry and didn't get fed because we didn't know since she was always screaming anyway. She still screams like a fire alarm; it's her first and immediate reaction to any negative. She was meth exposed in utero. I don't think your social worker would necessarily have any idea unless they've been working with her on a case plan since before birth with consistent drug testing.

he barfs a lot, even on reflux meds.

Probiotics helped my son a lot with reflux if you haven't tried that yet.

and if someone asked me today if i would take him knowing what i know i probably would still say yes because man i can't look at him and not want to protect him. i guess that means i am bonded a little bit. its just so hard. i'm bad at this.

You are not bad at this. You are great at this.

I feel much better today.

So glad to hear that!

Thank you so much for this! I don't think it is sensory but more of an attachment/psychological issue. I plan on bringing all of this up to the ped so hopefully she will have some advice. My gut feeling is that it is just attention seeking and exacerbated by feeding issues, teething issues, sleeping issues etc. it all fits in with neglect and so much moving around.

That sounds totally right.

My hope is that when things calm down he will realize that he is safe, will be fed, etc. he will calm down. for all he knows he will be going to a strange new home tomorrow kwim?

This. I will pray he starts feeling some reassurance and security sooner rather than later.

I haven't been wearing him as much as I should because I'm having daily migraines and I have shoulder pain due to fibromyalgia. I powered through this morning and wore him and it made all the difference in the world.

What kind of carrier do you have? Have you tried different kinds to find which is the most comfortable/least painful for you? The carrier makes a big difference for me as far as back/shoulder pain.
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