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Old 10-10-2012, 07:54 AM   #48
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Re: The power of Santa...

Originally Posted by RainandRedemption View Post
DH says this kind of stuff all the time. I have to tell them when he's joking half the time, otherwise they would be REALLY confused!!

I guess the definition of lying is so open to interpretation too, I had never really thought about that before. But things I do that I don't consider lying other people do. I don't mean to make anyone feel like I think I know what's best and I'm trying to tell other people how to parent. Mostly I operate on the assumption that we're all doing the best we can, and no one can assume someone else's circumstances so why bother trying... yk?
My "honesty" posting yesterday was triggered by I guess some emotional baggage from the way I was treated as a kid. But I mean I don't think the "white lies" most parents tell are going to emotionally destroy a kid or anything.
I know where you were coming from. I have found all of the discussions around Santa, no Santa, honesty, lying, etc... to be very interesting.

Originally Posted by DalesWidda View Post
I've never pulled the "I'm calling Santa" card. It's just as bad as "Just wait til your dad gets home" etc. Basically it's transferring the power of authority away from you and shows to your children that your are essentially not the one in charge, therefore perpetuating the cycle of misbehavior.

So, yeah, nope
I agree with this. I try very hard not to pull some higher authority with my kids because that implies that I cannot manage what is going on. What will we do when something really big goes down and I am the one managing it? The approach of threatening some higher authority undermines my rules, IMO and makes me a futile person in their eyes.

Now, having said that, I have used a similar approach in a different way. Serious misbehaviour with an older kid? After I discuss and deal with consequences/whatever, I usually say, "You will need to tell Dad/Mom (if kid is not my own) about this." And then I coach them through how they can come clean to the parent. I think this is part of owning the behaviour and is effective for bigger kids to think about the results of their actions, but it is not done in a threatening tone. More of a "well... now you will need to discuss this with so-and-so."

I will also tease my kids around Christmas/Santa or regarding their teachers, say... Light hearted, joking, "Ooohh! What would so and so think about that..." Giggle. The kids know it is a joke, so it is not really about the behaviour, IYWKIM?
Kat ~ Mum to G (11), D (9) and O (7)

Last edited by Geckmumto3; 10-10-2012 at 07:55 AM.
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