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Old 10-10-2012, 05:51 PM   #49
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
You could substitute any sport or activity (dance, theatre, art, music, science, chess, martial arts, scouts) for my soccer example. You can try to figure out the whys and never get a clear answer. So you are still left guessing.
I find your bolded statement to be the core of our differences in how we see the world and therefore also our in how we plan to raise our children. I spent time in the Army, and I agree military service is not for everyone and not everyone that serves applies the values they are taught. I will always place the mission first, I will never accept defeat, I will never quit, I will never leave a fallen comrade. These are core values that I apply to every single aspect of my life. The idea that there is any aspect of parenting that is impossible to understand fully given enough effort fills me with emotions that if I described here would get me banned from the site.

Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I have learned, as my oldest daughter has grown and quickly approaching adulthood...that parenting from this position is a mistake. My child's opinion is important...but ultimately, as a's simply WRONG a lot of the time. Because of my child's lack of experience with life, her opinions, beliefs, etc, are often not based on the full reality of the situation.

I remember being a child too. I remember hating knowing the feeling of "not being taken seriously." I remember swearing that when I was a parent, when I was an adult, I would take kids seriously.

I was wrong. My job as my child's parent is to make decisions based on what I believe is BEST for my child and what I believe my child NEEDS. Her thoughts and opinions should be CONSIDERED, but parenting from them as a basis will not result in her NEEDS being met to the best of my abilities.

And to be honest, I think much of the entitlement of todays teens and young 20s adults comes from parents trying to parent by "repsecting" their child's opinions and beliefs and not parenting enough according to their child's needs.
I believe we are talking about entirely different concepts. At no point am I suggesting that when my child wants to eat ice cream for every meal or smear their face with dog excrement while playing outside that I would allow their opinion in this matter to effect me.

Perhaps as a child the issues you wanted to be taken seriously on were irrelevant to anything that was pertinent to the progression of you as a person. Since you didn't describe any of these instances I am left with the only option that I have, to make assumptions.

For each issue the full reason matters. When it comes to religion, if my child were to tell me that they wanted to or didn't want to go to church, only their thoughts related to morals and faith would matter, "my friends are there" would not be a critical point for going to church as much as "I wanna sleep in and play with my toys and watch tv" wouldn't be for not going. When it comes to homeschooling vs public/private education, only there thoughts on how either would further their intellectual capacity would be relevant.

As far as entitlement goes, I find adults that expect a job because they binged drank and experimented their way through their bachelor degree (when 200 years ago college was never meant to "figure out who you are" it was meant to become an expert in a field), retirement from a company (when the company should just let them figure out how to invest their own money and finance their own retirement), that our government is expected to be responsible for every aspect of our lives, that anyone is responsible for our actions other than ourselves is just as prevalent in people in their 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's.

I find it naive to make the assumption that since I want to respect my child's opinions on core issues related to progression into adulthood that this means I want to let my child do whatever they want.
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