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Old 10-10-2012, 06:25 PM   #50
happysmileylady
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

Quote:
I believe we are talking about entirely different concepts. At no point am I suggesting that when my child wants to eat ice cream for every meal or smear their face with dog excrement while playing outside that I would allow their opinion in this matter to effect me.

Perhaps as a child the issues you wanted to be taken seriously on were irrelevant to anything that was pertinent to the progression of you as a person. Since you didn't describe any of these instances I am left with the only option that I have, to make assumptions.

For each issue the full reason matters. When it comes to religion, if my child were to tell me that they wanted to or didn't want to go to church, only their thoughts related to morals and faith would matter, "my friends are there" would not be a critical point for going to church as much as "I wanna sleep in and play with my toys and watch tv" wouldn't be for not going. When it comes to homeschooling vs public/private education, only there thoughts on how either would further their intellectual capacity would be relevant.

As far as entitlement goes, I find adults that expect a job because they binged drank and experimented their way through their bachelor degree (when 200 years ago college was never meant to "figure out who you are" it was meant to become an expert in a field), retirement from a company (when the company should just let them figure out how to invest their own money and finance their own retirement), that our government is expected to be responsible for every aspect of our lives, that anyone is responsible for our actions other than ourselves is just as prevalent in people in their 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's.

I find it naive to make the assumption that since I want to respect my child's opinions on core issues related to progression into adulthood that this means I want to let my child do whatever they want.
That's absolutely not what I am talking about at all. I am totally talking about deeper issues. I am not talking about childhood desires like eating ice cream or sleeping in. I am talking about figuring out who my child is and deciding what form of discipline will be most effective for my child...not what I think her 24 yr old adult self might believe would have been best for her. I am talking about realizing that my child's perceptions of herself and the world around her are inherently flawed simply by the lack of knowledge base she's working with and that my job as her parent is to help her figure herself out and the world around her. In doing so I have to consider her perception and work with it...but I have to do so knowing that her perception does not equal reality.

And again, I am not talking about issues like staying up late or anything like that. I am talking about serious stuff like helping her figure out if she's gay or not, helping her figure out how to deal with the loss of a close family member, etc etc.
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