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Old 10-10-2012, 08:47 PM   #55
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,716
Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

Real life example for me right now to try to explain how I mean.

I am due to give birth to my 4th child any day now. (any minute now?) My oldest is having a hard time with it. She's dealing with lots of mixed emotions.

My job as a parent is not to take her opinion on what she's feeling just at face value, my job as a parent is to help her identify what she's ACTUALLY feeling to deal with that emotion. She might THINK she's feeling angry, but it's my job to help her figure out if it's actually anger, or if it's fear masking itself as anger. Or if it's both. Or if it's something else completely different like jealousy. Just because my child THINKS she is feeling something, doesn't mean she actually IS. Her lack of experience means she might not be correctly identifying what's going on within herself. My child's lack of experience with life means that she is not automatically the best authority on herself. Shoot, there are a lot of adults who can't correctly identify their own emotions, beliefs, so many of them go to therapists and counselors for exactly that reason. SO of COURSE a child is going to have difficulty with that.

My job as a parent is to put my child's needs first. But, at every age and stage, with all things big and small, I have to understand that what my child thinks she needs might not be what she actually needs. Which means that part of my job is to help her figure out what she actually needs.
Kim-married to Dan
Mama to Caiti (17), Rae Rae (4), Dani Lee(2), and CJ, born 10/12/12.
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