Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Southern California
Re: Selfish with your baby
Where's the "thanks", "like", or "rep" button when you need one?
Originally Posted by luvsviola
I have been reading this thread, and I have one observation...
This thread is very "I" centered with little regard for the feelings of others. IMO, it takes a village, and there is something to be said for family dynamics and not coming off as a controlling person, too.
I see a lot of people on DS spending a ton of time complaining about their family not wanting to be involved with them. Then I read threads like this where people write "I can't stand when people want to hold and love on my baby. I don't want anyone to come see us."
If you treat them that way when baby is small, those hurt feelings don't just go away because baby got older. Of course they are resentful! Instead of just thinking about what "I" want, it may be wise to step back and see how you are making others in your life feel, because you may need their help and support later, and they will remember the day you wouldn't let them near the baby because you "couldn't stand for anyone else to hold her."
These are my thoughts exactly.
Yes, I feel a need to hold my babies. I wear my babies in public to prevent strangers from touching/asking to hold my babies. OTOH, I also allow friends/family to hold them, even as newbies. However, I've also not had problems with people not giving them back. If baby cries, DH or I get the baby unless we ask the person to keep holding (for example, if I'm currently taking a shower). The one time that someone tried to calm my screaming baby, I just firmly stood up to them and said that my baby needed me right now and they could hold baby again once she was done nursing and had calmed down.
I would not allow smokers (without a full shower and clean clothes), drug-users, anyone drinking, etc to hold my baby, but even nieces who were 2ish, got to hold the newbies for a few seconds with both their mom and me right there. It builds strong family relationships.
I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents and my ILs and they like each other too! My ILs are happy to rearrange their schedule to watch DD when her school is off, but DH and I still have to work, or to watch DS when his daycare is closed (they live 1h15min away, longer in bad traffic). My kids have a wonderful, loving relationship with their grandparents. They also have an even deeper, loving, close relationship with us. I held them most of the time. I am mama. DH held them the next most. He's Dada. However, they also have LOTS of other people who love them too and want to cherish every moment, just like DH and I do. That feeling of being surrounded by a whole community of people who love and care for them is worth letting them be held by others. I want my children to have that feeling.
It is normal to be protective. It is normal to want to hold your baby. However, that feeling should not cripple you nor should it damage the relationships around you.
S, mama to my 3rd grader, K (9/07) and my 1st grader, e (7/09) and married to my best friend, E (2007)