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Old 10-11-2012, 04:39 AM   #76
BeccaSueCongdon's Avatar
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Originally Posted by luvsviola
I have been reading this thread, and I have one observation...

This thread is very "I" centered with little regard for the feelings of others. IMO, it takes a village, and there is something to be said for family dynamics and not coming off as a controlling person, too.

I see a lot of people on DS spending a ton of time complaining about their family not wanting to be involved with them. Then I read threads like this where people write "I can't stand when people want to hold and love on my baby. I don't want anyone to come see us."

If you treat them that way when baby is small, those hurt feelings don't just go away because baby got older. Of course they are resentful! Instead of just thinking about what "I" want, it may be wise to step back and see how you are making others in your life feel, because you may need their help and support later, and they will remember the day you wouldn't let them near the baby because you "couldn't stand for anyone else to hold her."
I can see both sides of it. I experienced extreme postpartum anxiety after DS was born, but didn't realize that's what it was until years later when DD was born and I didn't experience it with her. Those protective mama best feelings are so overwhelming and intense, and when close family are ONLY focused on holding a newborn baby, especially those first 6 week, it makes sense that it would build into resentment in moms. I'm guessing in cultures/families where the extended family and in-laws come in and help out with maintaining the home and sibling care AND snuggle the baby, it's not as challenging for mom to overcome those anxious feelings and share baby.

For the record, I had horrific anxiety about "sharing" my DS, but I did it anyway bc I knew rationally that it was important for him and for my husband and his family to bond with DS. I was just in absolute postpartum crazy HELL the whole time... Lol.

I do think that my generation of moms are way too possessive as a whole though. Yes, we grew the baby. But we didn't miraculously impregnate ourselves. And we didn't miraculously spontaneously generate ourselves. The baby is just as much a part of our DH, and our IL's and our parents as they are a part of us. And while our babies have a special dependence on us and need for us during that first 3 months especially and the first 2-5 years even developmentally, our role is to build that bond in such a way that shows them there is always enough love to bring more relationships into the circle. There isn't a limit of love that has the be protected or hoarded.
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