Originally Posted by SaraElise
I've mentioned before, my IL's and I get along perfectly fine when I don't have a nb, and even through that we see them at least once a week, and they DO hold my children. I guess when contrasting with MY family, my family comes to see our FAMILY, not just the baby. They are not focused on getting as much time holding the baby as possible, in taking the baby and walking away to another part of the room or house. When they do hold the baby, they sit right next to me and talk about how things are going, we share the experience of the new baby together. They don't hold the baby for 20 minutes, or insist on trying to put them to sleep.
When my first was 10 days old, my husband went back to work, I had a broken tailbone, a 4th degree tear, mastitis and could hardly walk from the pain. My FIL showed up without calling brought HIS mom and asked if they could come in and hold the baby. My house was a mess and I was so overwhelmed I told him no it wouldn't be a good time. In contrast my mom asked if she could do some grocery shopping for me and take me to the dr for my mastitis since I couldn't drive yet. She held the baby while I was at my appointment and helped me do the dishes and make some lunch when she brought me home.
To me, it is totally inappropriate to feel some sort of ownership over someone's baby. Grandchild or not. My kids have a GREAT relationship with my IL's, we have never denied them from spending time with our kids (when appropriate), but their attitude of entitlement and ownership over our children is troubling as babies.
We see my family just as often, but as I mentioned before, their main goal isn't to get the baby away from me, or see who can have the most time holding the baby. We all interact together, and yes they get to hold the baby too, but they don't run off with the baby or make it known that the point of their visit is just for the baby.