10-12-2012, 03:20 PM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Misawa, Japan
Re: Struggling with DD Choosing Her Dad Over Us
this. the hugs and the words.
Originally Posted by Jesus_Freak_955
Secondly, I was your DD. I cannot explain even now why I wanted to go to my dad's. He was a crappy parent then. I desperately wanted attention and love from him and I knew my mom loved and cared about me no matter what. My mom made sure to never say negative things about my dad even though he tore her to shreds. As a adult, I am much closer with my mom. She is one of my best friends. My dad changed a lot over the years and is now a pretty good grandparent.
I just wanted to let you know that you should continue to provide your daughter the love and consistency and ride it out. I'm so sorry that you're both going through this.
I am so sorry, I cannot imagine.
My sister did this. Her mom was horrible to her. So much so that when my sister got pregnant, she was jealous and so she got pregnant as well. She has never treated her like a proper daughter. Now that my sister is a 40yr adult, she still mourns the relationship with her mom, but now she values her stepmother much more. But, not as much as she should, IMHO.
She knows you love her. She knows you will always love her. It is so normal for her to crave her father's attention and approval. She's lucky that she has a stepfather in her life that cares for her. Maybe one solution would be to have healthy activities for those 2 together. Her and her stepfather. She needs a man in her life who doesn't call her 'loser' just to counteract the damage that her father is doing.
I don't know how you get over it though. I don't think you do. DH chose to leave his mom and live with his dad when he was like 11 or something. The very thought of my child leaving me breaks my heart and I cannot imagine how his mom dealt with it.
I don't know if any of that is useful, but I really pray for peace for you. Can you talk to her dad? And perhaps see if he would atleast give her more positive attention?
SAHM to Magnolia May (09/10), Luke Russett (04/13) and expecting 11/16. Wife and best friend to my airman.