Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting
I was a single mother for almost 10 years, and I think there are several aspects of your situation that are concerning. But first, let me address the whole "first family" issue that has been brought up. What I THINK the PPs really meant to say is that unless you can adequately support the children you already have, you should not take on the responsibility of additional expenses (to include a second family). In that sense, yes, a man (or woman, for that matter) should have his (her) finances in order enough to care for the children before taking on a second family.
That said, it sounds like your husband CAN afford the state required amount of CS and it is perfectly reasonable that he remarried a woman he loves and had another child.
The amount of the CS and the pick-up and drop-off schedule make no sense to me. When I divorced, we used the same attorney and went with the state required amount of support AND it was in our decree that we split ALL travel costs equally. When it was time for my ex's visitation, we SPLIT the cost of the plane tickets.
If I were your husband, I would have the decree amended to COVER all aspects of the situation. I understand not wanting to rock the boat with the ex, but IMO (and this from a single mom of 3 for about 10 years), money, visitation and travel are ALL better handled through the courts. It protects EVERYONE involved and makes it official and NOT personal.
Trust me when i say it was best for our children, my ex and myself.
I hope you can find some peace and resolution soon.