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Old 10-16-2012, 05:27 PM   #135
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Drinks her not-just-a-smoothie pina coladas in ALL CAPS in front of her preschoolers before she takes her CDs and goes home.
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
Am I the only one sitting here wondering about the username "xtin?"

OP, I am going to preface this by saying that I can't imagine any of my kids "gender bending." All 3 of them are really focused on being a girl or boy even though they are all provided with a large variety of toys and dress up options. About the only thing I put my foot down on is flashy clothing or clothing I personally find immodest.

For some reason, reading this thread reminded me of how my DD would get into the car after a day of preK and cry to me because her teacher hurt her feelings. Once it was because DD hadn't drawn her letters right. DD told me her teacher told her she was doing it all wrong. Really, the teacher just showed her, "This is the way I like to do it." However, DD reinterpreted it for herself. Another time, the teacher didn't hear her tell her something because she just didn't speak up. And another time, she was upset because she got 3 gummi bears while the friend next to her got 4.

I think the connection I made was that there are a lot of things that teachers do/say that are completely reasonable that get twisted in their little minds and feelings. If we as parents make a big deal of it, then it makes it stick. If we just say, "I'm sure the teacher just wasn't counting those gummi bears. I'm sure she wasn't trying to make you feel bad." then we help our kids move on from their perceived slight. I think sometimes we have to help them see that not everything is directed right at them.

We don't know the context of the conversation that happened. We don't know if they were talking about various costumes and someone pointed out that Tink is a girl and the teacher agreed. (and last time I checked Tink was a girl!) We don't know if the teacher assumed your DS was trying his hand at humor and she reacted to it that way.

We also know that preschoolers and their obsessions are fleeting and what he wants to be this week may be different come next week. I know my 4yo has been vacillating between being a "blue dog with a green tail" and a "teenager dragon."

I am thinking that if you overdo it, you'll make it a bigger deal than it is. As well, I would be careful telling him that he could be anything he wants unless you really are willing to let him. I can tell you right now that I wouldn't let any of my children dress in some of the commercial constumes I see because they are flat out trampish or creepy. Obviously, Tink doesn't quite fall into that category (unless you are looking at adult costumes).

Sheesh! I sound bossy. I am not meaning to be. It's just how I think about things.
No you don't!
I agree that things can get rattled around in there minds. I think that's why I like that he said it simply, though sad. And knowing this teacher and she knows his history of liking girl things [and has always been a little "hmmm" about it], she really did mean it with the best of intentions according to what she believes.

That said, He has literally wanted to be Tinkerbell since the June! Never ever wavering. I admit, I am kind of liberal and told them they can be what they want [as in gender stuff], my limit was the out right gory costumes and I told them that too.

It's funny because he has a Princess Backpack that he carries everyday and the kiddos have said a few things to him and he's said "well I like it." So it kind of made me do a double take [think?] when having an actual teacher comment on it made him upset.

In the last couple of days he's also said "kids will laugh at me." I don't *think* she said that kids will laugh at him, so either he heard that or experienced it from a fellow kiddo. I won't ever really know.

Anyway, I did use it as a teaching lesson again, and told him several times he can be whatever he wants and if he wants to be Tink he can. We went to the store last night to look at the costumes. He stopped by the Princess ones and I said again, you can be what ever you want. He said kind of sadly "They will laugh at me."
So he spent the next 30 minutes looking at the costumes/items and finally announced "Mom, I want to be the superhero, Superman!" So we got him that costume. I also told him that if he wanted too, I would get him Tink PJs that he could wear anytime he wanted at home with no fear of anyone laughing at him. He was SO excited and he changed right when we got home! And now he's been happily talking about his Superman costume!

So all's well that end's well!

Side note, Yeah Xtin, clue is in your name I really did think it mean Christian.

I will say that it *is* true I've met some unwilling to even be open to hearing other things "Christians", but I've run into plenty like myself who are liberal, open and willing to march to the beat of our own drums too
Terra: Housewife Extraordinaire to y all male brood. Husband Eric. Sons David & Aaron!
Making the journey through ASD, ADHD, SPD, anxiety, Depression, and ITP with my special needs son
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