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Old 10-30-2012, 01:24 PM   #10
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Re: Would you try for another VBAC if...

Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies View Post
AniMommy- That is interesting! I wonder how they differentiate PTSD and PPD from the grieving process??? I feel like you go through the stages of grief when you have a birth (or child) like this. When it's traumatic or not "typical" and what one expected. I know even now I'll experience a different room in the grieving house every now and then with what happened...
I agree that any birth is life changing (and grieving over those changes) for the mom. And I did grieve for the hoped for birth experience but it was such a small part of what I felt.

What I experienced was something different from grief. I had a history of depression before birth. It was kind of what you imagine depression being: saddness, hopelessness and anxiety.

The PPD was VERY different from the previous episodes of depression. For me I think I had both PTSD and PPD and that they overlapped and were intertwined. The PPD part was the disconnect, anger, irritability, and hormonality that I felt within hours of birth and didn't find release from for months. The RIGHT medication and the RIGHT dr & counselor got that under control.

The PTSD was focused on the birth and the events surrounding birth. It lingered after the PPD was under control. For a year after the birth at every quiet moment my mind would return to the birth and playing it over and over and FEELING the rawness of the events as if it had just happened. It was like a sore tooth that you can't stop touching with your tongue. I wrote in my journal on July 4th the year after my kiddo was born (her b-day is late july) how I remembered watching the fireworks when I was 9 months pregnant and how before her birth everything was possible. What I didn't write down was how shattered I was that I was still not healed from what had happened and had yet to bond with my child.

My therapist explained with PTSD that your mind gets stuck in this repeating loop and can't process the trauma (put it away). The EMDR triggers some response in the brain to properly process the experience and stop the "repeating loop." Now after the EMDR (which was one of the worst draining days of therapy EVER) I think of my birth experience similar to how you look at a bad breakup years later. You remember the bad feelings and about how the guy was a toad but you don't feel the pain of the breakup.

To the orginial poster - I hope that you can find peace.

Last edited by AniMommy; 10-30-2012 at 01:32 PM.
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