11-09-2012, 12:46 PM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Hamilton, OH
Re: How to make it on your own?
I got daycare assistance while I went to college...
If I knew now what I didnt then: I would have opened a private, secret bank account and saved every penny I could up to that date. but I was in such denial- years of denial- I thought everything he did & said to us was really, truly MY fault. I came across a journal I wrote in 6yrs before he left... its sad... he was hurting us and now I know it WASNT me.
I was kept from all my family etc, so when he left I litterally had no one at all- just me, and 4 kids. He was so prepared- I had no idea. 3yrs out and depite him being "engaged" etc, he still goes out of his way to try to control me.
One big example is he(& his lawyers) put a clause in our custody order that states I can NOT leave my children with ANYONE but ME for more than 4 hrs, or he gets custody- this INCLUDES daycare, babysitter, family- even for work. And somehow they alloted me income (I was a SAHM for 10yrs) and he only has to pay about $400/mth in child support. (He has them about 10%)
So, I can not hold any type of job where I'd need to use childcare. (I went to school the 1st 1/2 of the kids' school day& only used daycare 1hr/day).
To date, I have done childcare to support us, but my 8yr old's special needs have made this now impossible now, except for "occasional care" which isnt often. (I now only have my online boutique- which, I'll admit, is terrifying-but I'm trusting God)
Childcare IS a great income maker for starting out as a single mom if it's something you (her) can handle. It's actually pretty easy to come up with enough expenses to not have to claim it as income. I got food stamps for a bit, and was flat out told it wasn't enough income after expenses to claim. (For family of 5 here, I'd have to make over $2800/mth before they wanted me to report it.) I thought I was doing GREAT til they told me that.
Living debt free is another HUGE one. Do NOT use credit cards etc when you have no $$ already. There are free stores and food banks to help with emergency stuff- go there for food, clothing etc, and use your $$ for things like gas, car insurance, rent, etc etc.
BUILD A SUPPORT TEAM. Online, in person, ANYWHERE & EVERYWHERE. If not in a church, find a great one who is willing to help. Find moms groups. Even try Craigslist for possible area groups. & There lots of helpful groups on "Yahoo groups".
Do you have "211" there?? If not, look up United Way and ask for help! They can direct you to everything you need.
Hope I helped a little... Im 3 yrs out and SOOO THANKFUL Im out. That 13yrs now feels like not much more than a bad dream...