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Old 11-10-2012, 02:46 PM   #17
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 36
Re: Asked to be adoptive parent...

Originally Posted by Melinda29 View Post
Yes, these kinds of classes do exist, and yes, adoptive parents can require them. I personally have conducted dozens of adoptions and have seen it happen several times, particularly in situations when the birthmother was using drugs/alcohol and continually reproducing.

In addition, I have twice seen adoptive parents only consent to adoption if the birthmother agreed to a tubal ligation after the birth (which the adoptive parents funded). In both instances, the birth mothers had been using drugs while pregnant and kept getting pregnant and placing each subsequent child with the same families (two separate families/BMs, same circumstances). The adoptive families were frustrated that the BMs continued to create children only to abuse them in utero, and their children (because they adopted them) would suffer a lifetime of mental/physical disability as a result.

While I agree that it should not be anyone's "job" to control someone else's reproductive choices, the sad truth is that the unborn infants are the ones paying the price. *Someone* needs to protect them, by prevention if necessary.
Nope, sorry, I still find it offensive. I understand what you are saying but it smacks of eugenics. I'd be insanely frustrated in that situation too, but I do not believe it's my call. Plenty of drug-exposed babies live happy and productive lives. I have a friend with FAS and she's amazing and an inspiration.

Again, I think it's a conversation that could be worth having, especially in that situation, but I do not believe it's the adoptive parents' place to have it. There's also a difference between saying, "hey I see you keep finding yourself in this position, would you like some support in preventing it from happening in the future?" and using a woman's "consent" as a bargaining ship to adopting her kids.
MillieP is offline   Reply With Quote