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Old 11-14-2012, 09:15 AM   #5
dorajoan
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

I don't know if you should go back or not, but I just want to say that I was just like your daughter as a child. Probably there was something "off" with me...I was very angry/ had tantrums all the time, was destructive, rude, etc. I know, looking back, that if my parents had followed through better with their threats, I would have controlled myself better. For example, although I spoke rudely/lost my temper with my father, I never had a full out tantrum with him because he was the punishment enforcer and I "feared" that. I did have control, I just didn't choose to use it when I was mad or frustrated.

I think you could either do the above, or try to make your punishment quasi-positive. For example, have a nice family birthday instead, do something fun at home, and maybe encourage her instead of receiving gifts to give (donate) something to someone who never gets birthday gifts in order to put gift-getting, etc., in perspective.

ps - also usually when I was having a full out tantrum, I pretended to be mad and not want love and hugs, but I really wanted them a lot. If my mom had just caught me and resisted my struggles and bear hugged me/tickled me/laughed with me, I would have snapped out of it 9 times out of 10.

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