[MDever]

First I just have to give you a big ol' hug because dealing with special emotion/mental health needs is beyond hard. I am drowning daily in it myself. I think that there is a difference between acknowledging her birthday and having a party. I would acknowledge her birthday for sure but there would be no guests, decorations, etc. It does suck but leeson learned on your part. It is so hard in the heat of a moment with a challenging child to never set a consequence you don't want to follow through on. Our son is very oppositional and there is no consequence big or bad enough to deter him in the future. Often setting him a consequence is simply punishing the rest of the family We save consequences for serious chiz behavior like hurting people. We do see a therapist twice weekly. I will say I do like 123 magic for some kids and if nothing else it may help you get some perspective about engaging her during a tantrum. I am stubborn by nature and that is often hard for me too.