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Old 11-14-2012, 01:09 PM   #27
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 472
Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

I have a freight train kiddo too. Mine is almost seven and is doing great, but he lives life with a certain intensity that can be both charming and challenging. I do not know what the right thing is for your child, but my son would do best if I admitted I overreacted. As someone prone to overreaction himself, he is quite forgiving about such things.

Can I suggest the book, "The Explosive Child." I have a whole shelf of similar titles, but this book has really turned things around for my son. I feel like it gave us permission to do what we already knew worked for my son and let go of the idea that we had to be in control. When we let that idea go and tried to really listen to him and work together to find a way for things to work for everyone, life got a lot better. It has allowed him to practice problem solving instead of practicing being as stubborn as possible. The world is very black and white to him and when he perceived some terrible injustice, he couldn't just let it go. We have actually gone away from using rewards and punishments at all which was hard for us, but was the right thing for our son.

Six months ago, I hated being his mother. I loved him, I was 110% committed to him, but I was not enjoying parenting him. I told my husband it was like being in an abusive relationship that I wasn't allowed to leave. My husband was shocked i would say such a thing, but it was really how i felt. Things are so different now. My husband and I are genuinely enjoying raising our intense little man. Our son is happy and cooperative. His siblings aren't dealing with the stress of having a sibling who cries and yells and fights everything.

All of that to say I recommend reading "the explosive child." I don't know if it will help your family as much as it helped mine, but its worth a try!

ETA: One premise of the strategies presented in this book is that if a child can do well, he will do well. Children who are not doing well are lacking the skills they need to do so. Accepting this changed the way I felt about my son. Some kids have trouble learning to read, some have trouble with math. My kiddo needed some extra help in just handling frustration.
mama to 2 sweet little boys and a new baby girl!

Last edited by anj; 11-14-2012 at 01:17 PM.
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