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Old 11-15-2012, 06:02 PM   #32
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Re: pain beyond anything

Originally Posted by galesville1980 View Post
In this situation the child was adopted at only question is if one of the bio kids had an "issue"..would adoption be an option or is it different cause she was the "adopted" daughter? If the answer is 100% yes they would chose adoption for bio kids then i will not judge...
Nah, that's not fair. This mother/child combo never bonded. We know that abuse and trauma are big factors in attachment issues. This child experienced abuse, trauma, extreme stress before she was even born. Then she experienced the trauma of being seperated from her birthmom.

I have parented an infant with attachment issues. I was ready for it. I had my husband home every night and able to provide a parenting break when things got tough. Luckily, I attached quickly. It could have easily gone the other direction. It took dd over 18 months to really have a healthy attachment to me. It is tough. Not everyone is cut out to be an adoptive parent. Not everyone can love another woman's child as her own. We NEED to talk about this as a community. We NEED to be aware that this can happen. Women considering adoption for their babies NEED to know that an adoptive situation isn't always better than what she can provide her baby (despite what media and adoption agencies tell them).

So, no, we can't judge the amom in this situation any more than we can judge the bmom in this situation. What we can do as a community is to learn from it. It's none of our business to place blame. It does nobody any good to come here and say "I'd never do that." The fact is none of us really know what we would or would not do because we haven't been there. I hope with all of my heart that Sam is able to have a healthy relationship with her daughter's new family. Let's support her in moving forward to that.
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