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Old 11-16-2012, 12:19 PM   #5
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Silver)O(Moon
formerly 4boysMomma
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Re: Help me love this!

Thanks so much mamas! A lot of you have gone through similar and come out the other side and its helps to know that! It really does!

I know we need to prioritize. I just don't know what to take off my plate! Everything seems to need my attention. Cosmetic stuff can take a back seat, but dark old cabinets and yellowing walls depress me...Cooking from scratch is harder, but also cheaper, and I hate spending money that DH is making being gone all week on food instead of saving for flooring or paint, yk? We desperately need to doing sealing and finish work. The eaves of the house are open and the interior walls are just sheet rock. Bugs get in the seams and we have an infestation of Box Elder bugs right now. One dropped on my head last night and another in my coffee this morning. We got the leaky roof fixed but there are still areas that smell musty to me. We have cleaned and sealed and primed. I have asthma and allergies and cannot deal with mold. We tried to explain to FIL that the stuff in those rooms is ruined but he doesn't understand allergies.

I tried to sit down with FIL so we could get on the same page the second week we were here but it didn't work. He doesn't see it the way I see it and he just got it in his head that I was "throwing out" his stuff. Which was not true at all! How could I throw anything away - we have no garbage service! But something had to be done. There were piles and piles of stuff everywhere. There was no place to sit! No place to eat, no place to cook. He was living in his "room" with a lazy boy, a bed, a TV and a microwave and admitted he hadn't really used the rest of the house at all. So I started at the bottom. If it was usable, I cleaned it, if we didn't need it, I donated it, and the rest I recycled, and some of it was burned. I never expected he'd get upset. If anyone deserved to be upset, it was me! He asked us here, knew we were coming, and yet didn't didn't do a thing to prepare for us, and when we get here and try to make it livable, he gets upset.

The homeschool "curriculum" we are trying is child-led studies of things that interest them, and practical life skills (working with Dad on home and farm, caring for animals come spring). We wanted to get them out of their heads and into their bodies, if that makes sense. I have let them know I am here to support them in anything they want to learn about. I have bought books and games and art supplies. But they just sit around. Its hard in the winter as its cold and rainy and we don't have animals yet and Dad is gone all the time. But when I offer suggestions or try to provide more structure, they balk. I sort of had a theory that out in the country with a slower pace of life their quirks would go away...that maybe their ASD diagnosis was, in part, a symptom of modern life stress. But so far, my theory is not working out and they seem worse than ever. I wonder if it would be better for them to have the structure of school.

I agree that my boys need motivation! Many great ideas there, thanks! They love screen time (oh did I mention we tried to be TV-free the first month too? Heaven help me!). They desperately want a dog. I was gung-ho for that at first, but after the first weeks off being so overwhelmed I didn't want to add one more thing that I had to deal with. It might be something to have them earn though...And money? Nothing motivates them more LOL. I love the $20/week idea! Although it might break our budget if they start behaving LOL!

I am trying to see the positives and just hold on. Two months isn't long enough to make a decision, I know. And there is much to be grateful for here. The land around us is so beautiful and wild. I saw a bobcat on the way home the other day! (Note to self - build STRONG chicken coop!) We have deer that come and eat the fallen apples daily. There is no sound of traffic. Just squirrels chattering and jays screeching and at night, we hear owls and crickets and frogs. FIL may be a hoarder, but part of why he wants to keep everything is so he has whatever he needs to help others. He is a pillar of the community and has more connections that you can imagine. He can barter for about any service we'd need. Roofing, masonry, welding. I don't want to discount that, it will be of great help to us to have those connections.
__________________
Mom of six boys
DS(18)DS(15) DS(13) DS(5) DS(2) and Baby DS
who are the love of my life and the bane of my existence all wrapped up in one wonderful wacky package.
And wife to my amazing DH who supports me in all I do!
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