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Old 11-17-2012, 04:55 PM   #59
stewartjess's Avatar
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: suburb of Columbus, OH
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Re: Living together before marriage. Yay or nay?

Mama - I feel you. I have very similar feelings in my current relationship. I am divorced with 4 children (3, 5, 8, 9) , my boyfriend is divorced with 1 child(13). We did move in together and have a great life and routine, and he is amazing with my kids. He signed up to be a den leader for one of my cub scouts and changed his work schedule so he and I can be the only people raising my kids.

We do talk about eventually getting married. I stress the word EVENTUALLY, because I feel like I yearn for it more and more every day. There is great peace in knowing there is that commitment there - and even though we both agreed that "Marriage is just paper" and doesnt change our love and commitment to eachother and to all of our kids as a whole. We both had terrible marriages and ugly divorces.

My family very much supports marriage. My grandfather was a very conservative minister, my father has been a deacon and an elder. "shacking up" is not glamorous, but they were there with me through a terrible and devastating marriage, and with some chats they have grown to support my decision to cohabitate. And ironically, the church did, too. John and I do not attend church, but that's another story

I purchased a house last month on my own (John still owns his own home and rents it out to a couple of friends) but I purchased a house with John and his daughter in mind. He recently replaced his sports car with a family-friendly Honda to accomodate my children.

I don't doubt that he loves me or my children - and we have a seemingly lovely life. He is a legal guardian for my children, he goes to parent-teacher conferences and doctor's appointments, etc when I am working. BUT STILL - I want so badly to be married. I feel this whiny little nag, all the time. I should, perhaps, be content.

So - I would say, don't get married just because you are pregnant. Don't live together just because you are pregnant. Decide what the two of you want for your family and plan accordingly. And listen to your heart and soul and not the rest of the world.
RN, Mommy of two rough boys Jake (03-20-03) and Brady (11-03-04) a silly princess Chloe (03-01-07) and a ridiculously energetic toddler boy Liam (02-09-09)
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