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Old 11-18-2012, 04:01 PM   #11
qsefthuko's Avatar
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Re: How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

Originally Posted by Hillargh View Post
Why lie? Tell her you don't come over because she refuses to abide by your rules for your children, and until she can have an adult conversation with you and accept the fact that YOU decide what happens with your kids and not her, there will be no visits. If she starts to argue, say it's not up for negotiation and hang up. Either she'll change her act or not see them or you.

Normally I'm not for the ultimatum route, but her behavior is unacceptable.

ETA: FTR, I live 50ft from my mother, if even that, and the only way I keep my sanity is by putting down my foot over the big issues.

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This is what I would do.

When my dd was little my mother tried to take over. I finally had to flat out say my kid my way. You don't have to like it but you do have to abide by it. She tried telling me that as the grandmother she had some say in things. I told her no way, no how. Not happening. Either she could accept this or she couldn't see my dd. Suggestions were always welcome but the decision to follow them would be mine and my husbands. She has said recently I was very possessive of my daughter when she was little but still does not seem to realize she was being controlling. It doesn't matter though she is entitled to her opinion as long as she understands if she wants access to my kids she has to accept my wishes.

The first to I was forced to make this clear she stormed out and wouldn't talk to me for several days. She came around. We have had to do this scenario every 4-5 years.

Despite this my mother and I are close usually talking every day. Sometimes several times daily. Except of course when I have to reinforce my rule my kids my way. Then she needs a few days to cool off.
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