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Old 11-18-2012, 06:20 PM   #25
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Re: Is there such a thing as a nice way to...

Originally Posted by seeinstarrz View Post
Oh man, did this get ugly. I wrote her an email (because I'm non-confrontational like that) and she wrote back that she was "shocked" that I "deemed her care for her grandchildren substandard". She started off saying she didn't even remotely feed DD the things I listed, but then in her email she rattled off everything DD ate and the only thing she said DD didn't get was the chocolate chip muffin (so EVERYTHING else, the Oreos, the doughnuts, the soda, the juice, etc were accounted for). Sigh. And then at the end she wrote "Sorry I disappointed you" after going on and on about what a horrible grandmother she must be. Yay for inlaws! I really do love my MIL but she is very much a martyr and any teeny tiny criticism of something she does gets flipped around into what a horrible person she must be...especially because the kids are *always* angels there and never do any wrong.

Oh well, she knows how I feel about it now. I wrote her an email back after her rant saying that I was hoping I could have a mature conversation about the care of my children, but I was sorry she took it so personally and that if it would be easier for me to pack them lunches or make other arrangements I could certainly do that. I'm sure that will tick her off more but what can you do?
I'm sure it will tick her off, too, because that is a rather condescending, passive aggressive way to word it. In your shoes, I'd have written something in response like:
Making you feel like a terrible grandmother was not my intention at all! You are a wonderful asset for our kids, and we so appreciate the important role you play in their lives, as well as the help you give us on the weekends. My only concern is the amount of sugar Sally had today.

If it is easier for you, I can pack food for her, or if you prefer, I can just send snacks to replace the sugary options. I don't mind one "treat snack" of x, y, z, etc. during the weekend, but if we could limit it to that, it would be better for Sally and really help Bob and I out.

Please let me know what you want to do. We love you very much, and so do the kids, and we ALL appreciate your weekend help!

It gets the point across without feeding into the drama, putting her on the defensive or making yourself sound so belittling.

Family issues are not easy!
Many things to many people.
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