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Old 11-18-2012, 10:40 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by soonerfan
It gets the point across without feeding into the drama, putting her on the defensive or making yourself sound so belittling.

Family issues are not easy!
Yeah, the way I phrased it wasn't very nice...I was just summarizing because I was lazy . This was my actual email to her:

"I was worried you would be upset by my email and please know that was not my intention at all. I know that you mean them no harm, and that you have been a tremendous amount of help to us. Truth be told, I'm a little hurt that you took this as a personal attack instead of an open conversation. Yes, I am their mom, but I very much trust you and consider you guys part of the "team" in caring for them and I thought that we were close enough to have a mature discussion about things related to their care. The entire reason why I wrote that was so that we can have a mutual understanding about what the kids are eating and develop a plan so we are on the same page.

To be fair, the only thing on the list that you said she did not get was the muffin - the rest she did have per your email (doughnuts, cookies, fruit snacks,juice, soda, etc) so my request is not totally off base. Had I been wrong though, I still would have wanted to know because then I could address Lainey lying to me. I never implied that those were the *only* things she got, but I feel that this is too many sweets for one day and I wanted to bring it to your attention. You are grammie and grampie and I know you love your grandchildren and you love to treat them, and it is more than ok for her to get a treat once in a while. Conversely, there is no reason why, if Lainey finishes her lunch, she can't have strawberries as a dessert. It sounds like today she wanted carrot sticks for a snack, which is awesome! Lainey has developed a distaste for all things healthy (as many kids do) and I don't want to further alienate the healthy food by giving in to every sweet tooth, that was all I was trying to point out. Again, I am very sorry that you took my email personally. If my request comes as a hardship to you though, I would understand if you would rather I bring her lunch and/or find other arrangements (though of course I would rather they would be with you guys because they adore spending time there). Let me know."

Was that out of line?
[ mom to my cowboy ballerina and my boy-of-steel ]
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