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Old 11-20-2012, 07:26 AM   #47
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

If this was a set of suggestions for ensuring your other children still feel loved and included during a new arrival, we'd be all over it. While our husbands aren't children and they have the capability to put their emotional needs on the backburner, it is all too easy for us wives to turn our complete focus on the new baby and neglect him. The problem with this is that often (not always) we fall into that inital pattern and then just never get out of it, because the baby is still there and still needy after that first 6 weeks.

Originally Posted by Terra View Post
Right! I had friends years ago, a DH and DW, who called each other mommy and daddy..."Hey mommy what are fixin' for dinner." "Hey daddy, I love you." It skeeved me out!
Don't come to my house then! This is what we call each other in front of the kids. One of the big reasons we got married is because we saw the other as awesome parent material and the fact that DH is the father of my children is a very big turn on.

Originally Posted by jacquelinemarie82 View Post
I find it completely off balance in the Christian world with all this focus (books, seminars, sermons, comments, expectations, etc) being put on the women to give attention or whatever you want to call it to the men. The Bible DOES say that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church....which is a stronger commandment I believe than anything given to the women. Where is the emphasis on the Christian men doing their part??? Yes, I know there are quality Christian guys out there that are great husbands and fathers or at least try to be and try to love their wives. However, I don't see nearly as many of them seeking any type of advice or training or it even being offered. Never heard of a group or seminar or class where tips on being a great husband were the focus of the meeting. Men don't seem to care as much about this yet women are supposed to be fluffing pillows and making sure intimate needs are met? even right after birth? even right after a c-section, preemie, multiples, unhealthy newborn? even when the mother is exhausted and just had a watermelon come out her v-jay-jay and then has to return home in a couple of days to do everything she did before PLUS add on a recovery and newborn and all that goes with caring for a newborn.... time for the guys to step it up and not wait around to be made a fuss over.... how about taking some pics of the birth and making something special for your wife? how about giving her a back rub and making her feel like an awesome mom? telling her she is special and thanking her for the care she provides for YOUR children all day?

Ugh, don't even get me started. Thankfully, my husband does so well in the newborn phase. He was bonded right away with our daughter. He got involved with every aspect and didn't wait around for me to beg him to be a part of his daughter's lives. I don't have time for sulky and needy men. Thank God I didn't get one of those.

I don't mind that dating divas stuff. I didn't read all of them but if you are looking for ideas, then why not try some. However I don't think that just caring for your husband will create a perfect relationship....I have seen this first hand. Hard working women that cater to their husbands and got treated poorly or even worse. Realize the relationship goes both ways and respectfully seek counseling along with trying some ideas to take care of your husband AND yourself.

That 50's website....yuck. Nothing I have to say is as important as what he has to say? He's been with the work weary all day so pamper him when he gets home with soothing voices? yuck yuck yuck!
Two thoughts here:
1) Women are just more into self help literature and classes. Period. There are far more books, seminars, etc. aimed at women than men because we are just a stronger market for them. Women like to talk about things and analyze their relationships. Men not nearly as much. I don't think it's because men don't care and women do. I think it's because we are naturally wired differently. Get a group of men together and get a group of women together and they act differently as a group.

2) There ARE many workshops/books for men that focus on their marriage and how to improve it, but we are women and focused on our role. It's not marketed to us.

I say this as the wife of a man who finds this literature on a regular basis. I say this as someone who would happily do many of the things on that list (not all in one day!) for my husband. The thing is that I know my husband does all of that and more for me on a daily basis whether or not I've just given birth. Seriously, my husband does so much for me that I'm supposed to be offended by a list of suggestions on how to reciprocate?
Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 DD 7/13
ISO: my lost shaker of salt
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