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Old 11-20-2012, 09:00 AM   #62
mibarra
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,897
Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quickshep19 View Post
I can't highlight on the app, but I agree that we teach others how to treat us. I am "reaping the rewards" :S. I spoiled my husband greatly when we were first a couple then newliweds. That was 4 years of our relationship. I couldn't do it when DS1 was born as I had no help, even from Daddy. He was too busy watching internet pron, playing video games & spending every dime of what little he made. Love how placing pix of "fat wife" less than 60 days pp on the fridge for motivation! Woop woop ~

I taught my husband that I would make his coffee, rub his feet, clip his toenails, satisfy his needs, completely do everything for DSD when she was with us (4 days a week every week), forgive his indescretions etc...

I got no help when any of my kids were born. I bled bright red for 4+ weeks with each pregnancy because I had to do it all so he could still do whatever he wanted to do BECAUSE THIS WAS HOW I THOUGHT A GOOD WIFE BEHAVED. I did myself, my kids & esp my husband a huge disservice.

I should have put my foot down years ago but now 16 yrs later this is my life. I made my bed & now I get to sleep in it...

Jodie ~ wife & mama
This is my fear. I'm not saying don't appreciate your husband. I'm not saying he doesn't need to feel loved. But I think too often when we put too much focus on this at times when we should be focusing on our own health and well being (postpartum being one of them), we teach our husbands and our daughters that we are secondary, and that a man's needs and wants come before our happiness and well being. I think there is a reasonable amount of 'man-coddling', such as including him in baby care, letting him bond with baby, making sure you tell him you love him, and still give some physical affection and praise (a kiss on the cheek, a hug, telling him how much you appreciate all he's done while you're recovering), but there is no way I'm going to make an effort to give you sexual gratification when I have six stitches up my you know what and I can't pee without crying because I just birthed OUR child. When I'm the one up every 2 hours nursing the baby because you can't nurse. Should you completely 100% ignore and neglect your husband during this time? Of course not. But I don't feel you should have to go over the top to make him feel wanted either. Just my opinion.
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