Thread: Coach-abilty
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Old 11-23-2012, 08:12 PM   #12
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Re: Coach-abilty

Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
What is "coach-ability?"

There used to be a term used for this sort of thing that you are talking about here. It's called character building. It seems to be a thing many people today seem to have forgotten, in this day and age of everyone gets a trophy and gold stars are handed out for everything.

It is not mean to "want" your kid to fail so that they can learn from it. It would be mean to ENJOY your children's failure, but I don't think there's anyone here that enjoys watching their kid fail. But wanting a failure for the opportunity to learn that the failure provides? That's not mean...that's parenting, IMO. So many people today want their kids to completely avoid as much failure as they possibly can. What they miss out on when everyone is bending over backwards to avoid failure is the learning opportunities that failure can provide. To paraphrase a quote from a book I read 'making mistakes is essential to winning.' Failure isn't fun, and it doesn't feel good, so it makes sense that no one likes to feel good so they don't want their kids to fail and not feel good. But just cause it doesn't feel good, that doesn't make failure bad. Sometimes failing is EXACTLY what our kids need.
I meant the ability to be coached. I view some kids as extremely coachable, if that makes sense. What I am asking is if we are born coachable or uncoachable.

I totally agree about character building. Growth is often uncomfortable or painful.

I think the hard part is, life seems to be built in with so many successes for kids now. They don't experience failures commonly, or at least it seems that way to me. Everything is softened and cushioned for them, when in fact, they probably do learn more from the failures.

Originally Posted by KelseyH View Post
I am extremely competitive, aggressive in sports, "second place is the first loser" type personality, but the total opposite of you! Haha. I was like a sponge when I was a kid. Whatever I had to do to improve, I would do it 10x over. As long as I was the best, it didn't matter. When I was in HS, I lifted twice a day and ran 10 miles a day except for the day before game day (so usually 5-6x per week). And I was the strongest, fastest, and best at what I did - for the couple things I chose to be passionate about (like run a 5k in less than 19 minutes ).

But for the things I didn't *want* to invest in, I didn't excel. I couldn't be coached. I didn't care that my mother paid a ridiculous amount for weekly lessons from a university music teacher with a PhD in piano/music something or other. I didn't like the piano.

I think it's personality. If a kid really enjoys something, they will listen to someone who wants to help them improve (at least IME).
To me, this might be the crux. Is it possible for a kid to enjoy something, be passionate about it, but not be coachable? Because, at the young age of nine, she loves her activities. But, she has never been a coachable kid (in all areas, not just sports/arts). It is, of course, possible (even likely) that she will find some passion that will click and suddenly she will be the most coachable kid ever.

This is totally a philosophical discussion DH and I have been batting around for a while here as we watch our three kids and their different approaches to academics and extra-curriculars.
Kat ~ Mum to G (11), D (9) and O (7)
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