Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned
Hey mamas! It's been a while since I've posted anything but congrats and hugs in S&S. But I have a problem I think only you ladies can understand/help me with. It involves the birth and life of my DD, Teagan. So if you're not feeling up to reading about children, stop now.
You can read our birth story through my siggie, but the short story is that it took us nearly 18 months to conceive her and we lost many tiny babies in that time. Throughout the pregnancy, I was terrified that I was going to lose her. I was put on bedrest at the start of the 3rd trimester because I started dilating and contracting. I was hospitalized a half dozen times. We survived pneumonia, kidney stones and an anaphylactic attack together.
My water broke at 35 weeks and after a terrible induction, I was rushed to an emergency c-section because her stats crashed. They couldn't get her out because I have a cupped pelvic floor and bicornate uterus, so they made a T incision and pulled her out by her feet. She was born unresponsive, but was quickly revived.
All this to say, I was traumatized by our conception journey and her birth. I now find myself unable to let her out of my sight. She naps in the Ergo, sleeps in my bed and comes everywhere with me.
Has anyone else been through this and managed to attain a healthier attachment? How? I tried a regular counselor and found her NO HELP at all. I'm thinking I need to find a counselor who specializes in this kind of thing. Does that exist?
TIA if you got through all that. thanks even more if you can guide me.
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Loving wife and a devoted mama to 13: three in my arms
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