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Old 12-09-2012, 08:28 PM   #16
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Mags462
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Re: I need ideas for the proper punishment for 11 y/o for lying

I don't have an 11yr old so take this for what its worth

It seems like lying is a pattern for her and its time for tough love because IMO she obviously doesn't understand why this is a problem and a big deal. So what is her "currency"..... eg what is something she LOVES..... then use that item to "explain" why lying is a problem in the following matter:

(For this example i will use B's favorite wooden train b/c that is his loved item)

Me: B will you bring me your wooden train please?
B: why?
Me: Because i want to look at it and have a talk with you.
B: OK
he then brings me to toy
Me: You lied about X yesterday - are you going to do it again?
B: I'm sorry mom i will not lie anymore
Me:OK well i am done looking at your train now, you can have it back.
B reaches for the train
Then i do something to "ruin" it..... break a wheel, drop it, whatever.
B will then get hysterical and say something along the lines of "you said i could have it back!!!!"
I will then shrug and simply say "I lied".....

Yep - I'm that mom. If lying becomes a pattern i have no problems applying the above. then after he earns my trust back i will gift him back his favorite item at some point or an equivalent replacement. Of course that example is very simplified but you get the point. My friend with tweens shared this approach (she broke her sons DS - and yes its $$$$ but that child is totally different now and she feels it was worth it. a perpetual liar was "cured" and now 6 months later santa is bringing him one for his honesty this year )

I really hope i don't have to do that - but i will if i must.
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