Sorry you're experiencing this... We have one like this too. It's SO fruSterating and sadly somedays makes me wish we used better birth control! (Him and older ds are 13 mo apart, so he was not planned..) We love the beans outta him, but tests our patience and sanity to no end some days!!
We find that we need to talk him thru everything. Explain everything....like talking to someone who knows absolutely nothing. He needs to be told why a lot and how we do things so he doesn't get fruSterating and scream at every.single.thing!!
I'm reading a book called The Whole Brained Child (or something like that) and am finding it helpful!